Yesterday I did something I have been too scared to do for almost 6 months. You see, I have been hiding big parts of my life for a long time now because somebody else forced me to. I can't say that I am entirely without blame. I allowed him to guilt me and scare me into keeping secrets. I thought it was for a good cause. Really, it was so he could keep up the lie that he has been living. It is only fitting that it took me this long to "announce" my pregnancy on Facebook. (After all, things aren't really official until they're Facebook Official, right?)
Last night, I did it. I made Macy Jane Facebook Official. I was really nervous to do it. There are a lot of people I consider to be friends who had no idea that I'm pregnant. I wasn't entirely sure how they were going to react. Most of them were shocked. I know a few were hurt that they just found out. I don't really know what to say to them. There is a very long story behind why I didn't announce my pregnancy to the world. I still don't feel like sharing it with a lot of people. I wish I hadn't hurt their feelings.
I'm glad I finally did it. I'm tired of hiding. I'm tired of keeping secrets for someone else. I feel better to have this out in the open. I'm tired of being ashamed. There are still things I don't feel like sharing with the world. A lot of things I post on here I wouldn't put on Facebook, and I never post links to my blog. But I keep those things out of the public eye because I want to, not because someone else might get upset.
I feel better now that I am exposed. It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I never knew just posting a few pictures would make me feel so much better. It feels like I'm starting to take my life back.
It's a good feeling.
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