Lather, Rinse, Repeat...

Lately, I feel like I'm oscillating between being totally bored with my life, and being completely overwhelmed.

I don't blog because I feel like no one would want to read anything I have to say.  I'm not interesting any more.  I'm not even funny.  I'm sarcastic and bitter.  I'm Mommy, and very little else these days.  I really have nothing to talk about except my kid.  That's the boredom part.

At least once a day, I get sucked into this downward spiral where I freak out over the amount of things on my To-Do List.  Then, I obsess for a while about how to tackle all of those things.  Usually, I decide I just need to get organized.  Simple.  So I organize so much that organizing becomes an astronomical task in and of itself...because I need EVERYTHING to be organized.  I made a list of the closets in my house one night with the intention of planning out where I would store everything.  I finally realized I needed to throw that shit away.

So, yeah.  It's a vicious cycle.  When I start to think about all the things "I really need to get done," this palpable anxiety wells up inside me.  I try to beat it back down with organizing.  The organizing is just another thing that "I really need to get done."  It is a never-ending task that is supposed to be my solution and is supposed to ease my anxiety.  The more anxiety I feel, the more I obsess over organizing and making lists because if I could  just. get. organized... I wouldn't be anxious and I wouldn't feel like I am totally overwhelmed by the fact that I ALWAYS need to do laundry.  (Seriously. ALL.THE.TIME. I need to do laundry.  Apparently, if you leave laundry in a pile, that shit will MULTIPLY and make laundry babies.)

I'm exhausted, which makes me even more boring.  All I want to do at the end of the day, is sit in my comfortable chair, watch Dexter (which I am now caught up on--which SUCKS), rot my brain with Facebook and Mommy blogs, and buy shit I don't need on Amazon.  That's not interesting.  No one wants to read about that.

So, I apologize, dear Bloggies.  I won't even promise to blog more often.  All I really have to talk about are my unbelievably adorable child, and my neuroses.  Please, go back to your interesting lives now.

Signs of Life

I knew I hadn't blogged in a while, but I didn't realize it had been over a month.  Here are some updates:

 Updates!! Yay!

•  I said "Good-bye!" to apartment life last month.  I'm finally moved into my townhouse.  It is so amazing to have room for all (most) of my stuff.  I hate moving.  I really hate moving with an infant.  I am very thankful for my dear friends, Josh and Christina, and Josh's brother, Jon, for helping me moving all of my stuff for me since Macy was being a little demon child and screaming bloody murder all day having a rough day.  Sometime next year I might be completely unpacked.
• Macy is now 4 months old, and she gets cuter every day.  She rolled from back to belly a few weeks ago, and from belly to back today.  She "talks" all the time.  She drools and chews and puts everything in her mouth.  She laughs and smiles and wiggles non-stop.  She knows how to fake-cry to get my attention.  She loves her puppy and smiles every time she sees him.  He loves her too, mostly because he enjoys licking bodily fluids off of her.  Gross.

• I accepted orders to the USS Theodore Roosevelt, which is currently in the shipyard in Newport News.  I will report next June to finish my last 10 months in the Navy.  I'm going to have a hell of a commute every day, but I shouldn't see any more time at sea.
• The Fall weather here has been amazing.  This is my favorite time of year, and I am so glad the heat of Summer has finally come and gone.
• I have discovered that all Targets are not created equal.  The one nearest my new house may as well be a Wal-Mart (which is quite an insult coming from me).  It has no Starbucks.  It has a terrible selection.  It is poorly laid out.  Next time, I will drive the extra 4 miles to the "good" Target.
• I have a strange addiction to McDonald's.  I know it doesn't taste good.  I know it is terrible for me.  I still find myself craving a McDouble, fries, and a Dr. Pepper way more often than I should.

I will now promise to blog more often.  That is a promise I will most likely break.  The Blur has got me, and I don't see it letting go any time soon.

Random List

• I spent the last two days downloading music and updating my iPod...and it is AWESOME now.
• I am going to have to limit my TV watching to hours when my child is not awake.  This makes me really sad.  I'm a TV junkie, and I really was hoping to stay that way.  But my kid would rather watch TV than nurse, and "they" say I'm supposed to wait until she's 2 to let her watch TV.  I'm really torn about this, but I do probably spend more time watching TV than I should.
• Summer Shandy is gone for the season, and it makes me extra sad.
• Football season is here, and it is very bittersweet.  I love football.  I spent the last 4 years watching football with Macy's Dad.  I'm sad that this season is different.  I am, however, glad that I no longer have to deal with a Steelers fan.  They're jackholes.  The last time Kansas City beat the Steelers, he threw a fit like a little kid, got drunk, and passed out on the couch at 6pm.  Jackhole.  Not this year.  Also, Uncle Keith bought Macy her first Chiefs shirt, which is awesome!
• I'm fat.  Sure, I just had a baby 3 months ago...but I was fat before I got pregnant.  I'm still fat now, even if part of it is baby weight.  It's discouraging.  And it's so much work to actually try to lose weight.
• I hate packing.  I hate moving.  I can't wait to be done with it and living in my townhouse.  I really can't wait for all the cabinet space, and for Macy to have her own room and her own crib that is not a Pack and Play.
• Right now, I am on leave--vacation, for you non-military types.  In the 5 days I have been on leave, I have received NINE phone calls and SEVEN texts messages from work. Whuck?
• I really REALLY want to get another tattoo right now, but I should probably wait until I'm not nursing anymore...and I can afford it.  I'm going to get Macy's footprints on top of my foot...and it is going to hurt like a mother, just like the other one I have on my foot.

...That is all.

Breastfeeding in Public

Everyone seems to have an opinion on this particular subject--usually at one end of the spectrum or the other.  Recently, I had the great pleasure of reading a very hilarious rant about this very thing.  The rant came to be after a friend witnessed a fellow church-goer breastfeeding her 2-year-old during the service, right in the church pew. This friend posted a Facebook status about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in church.  The thread very quickly became a debate about the legality of breastfeeding in public...and the fur started flying.  Of course, I have an opinion about this.

First of all, I would like to point out that most people realize that breastfeeding is the best thing for babies.  They haven't chosen not to breast feed because they are unaware of the benefits.  Whatever the reason they opted for formula, it was an important reason to them.  Pointing out that breast milk can lessen allergies and strengthen the immune system probably isn't going to change their mind--the same way that telling me how "gross" you think breastfeeding is, isn't going to convince me to stop.

As much as I support breastfeeding, I am no crusader for the cause.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean that I am running for president of La Leche League.  I am aware that it is legal to breastfeed my daughter anywhere that I am permitted to have her.  I have nursed my daughter in public.  I always choose to (attempt to) cover myself.  My daughter is currently 3 months old.  I can guarantee you I will not be breastfeeding her in public--covered or uncovered--when she is 2 years old.  I have many reasons for this--reason #1 being that I intend to wean her before that point.  Yes, I know the AAP and the WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2...they recommend it if it is mutually desirable, and I do not desire to breastfeed that long.

Breastfeeding is hard work.  Seriously.  Sore nipples are no joke--and my kid doesn't even have teeth yet.  Breastfeeding and working?  I should get an effing award for this.  Pumping sucks.  It doesn't allow my supply to respond to Macy's demand.  It's not as effective at maintaining my supply as nursing.  I never realized how much bonding I was going to do with my pump instead of my baby.  Sometimes I think she prefers a bottle to a breast, but I won't get started down that road or I risk having a crying spell over being such a terrible mother.  It's hard, people.

If, by some long-shot chance, my daughter is not weaned by the time she is 2, I will still not choose to nurse her in public.  By that age, there are other ways to meet her nutritional needs.  Solid foods are introduced by 6 months at the latest, and many babies are weaned around one year of age.  After that point, I really do feel that it becomes inappropriate to breastfeed in public.  If you want to keep doing it, do it at home.  Maybe it is a great bonding experience for you and your baby--there are other ways to bond though.  And there are most definitely other ways to feed your child.  I think too many people try to stand up to The Man by exercising their right to whip out their boobies in public--which I will never understand.  I have stretch marks... on my boobies.  And they will never be perky again.  I'm not interested in showing them to any looky-loo who happens to be in my vicinity just because it is legal for me to do so...despite my love of stickin' it to The Man.

I guess what I'm getting at is, just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should....legal does not equal appropriate.  Now someone help me down from this soap box!

I Need to Own 6 Purple Watches, Right?

I have a serious beef with Fossil right now.

I have somewhat particular tastes about certain things.  Example: watches.  I like wearing them.  I like a certain type of watch though.  Fossil used to make a line called Fossil Blue watches--stainless steel, wide band, multiple choices for the face color.  These watches were my fave.  I have owned several.  My most recent one died a few months back, and I went in search of a new one--a Fossil Blue with a purple face, of course.  I am a pretty big fan of internet shopping, so I checked Fossil's website.  I wasn't able to find the Blue watches, so I decided I would just go to my local Fossil store.  I'm not sure why I thought this was a good plan.

You see, I hate shopping.  I love buying things, I just hate shopping.  Rather, I hate sales people.  I don't enjoy feeling like prey as I'm trying to select which fragrance of over-priced shower gel I'm going to purchase at Bath & Body Works.  Yessss, I'm still doing fine...just like I was 3 minutes ago when you walked past me.  Oh, and those middle-eastern kiosk people peddling the weird-smelling lotion?  No, you may not ask me a question about my skin, or offer me a free sample or a hand massage...now STOP TOUCHING ME! 


I made the mistake of going to the Fossil store during off hours--great time to avoid other shoppers, baaaad time to avoid sales people.  I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted.  I was hoping to make my lap around the store and find the right display case before anyone cornered me and tried to talk me into buying something ugly and way out of my price range.  I literally made it 2 steps into the store before the vultures (yes, TWO of them!) swooped towards me.  I tried avoiding eye contact, and saying "I'm just looking."  No dice.

Vulture: "Well, what are you looking for?"
Me: (loud sigh) "I'm looking for a watch.  I like the Fossil Blue line."
Vulture: (in a tone that indicates he is obviously judging me for not keeping up with fashion) "We don't make those anymore."

Figures.  He then spends the next 10 minutes showing me ugly watches that I would never wear.  I told him I liked the heavier stainless steel band--he tried to sell me on one with a silicone band because it's so nice and light.  I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work at Fossil.  Upon realizing I had no intention of buying any of the ugly watches, he gave "the nod" to the manager vulture, who came over and took her turn.  Listen, lady, if I tell you I don't like rhinestones or GIANT ceramic bands, that means I DON'T LIKE THEM.  I'm wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt that bears the name of a high school in Texas I didn't go to, and Tidewater skull-and-crossbone flip flops--telling me how "in" they are probably isn't going to change my mind.  I can barely spell fashion.

I eventually escaped her talons and headed for the door.  Back to the internets I went.  Eventually, I was able to find something that was OK...it still had effing rhinestones, but I decided I could deal since it was purple..ish.

I also found a dressier one that was pretty cute.

I wasn't in love with either one, but they were all I could find at the time.  Ever since my purchase, Fossil has been stalking me.  I have deleted most of their e-mails, but I happened to open one a few weeks ago.  When I clicked on the message, this popped up.

Are you effin' KIDDING me, Fossil?  You didn't have this 5 months ago?  Geez.  At this point, I am trying to remember which of my credit card balances is the furthest from its credit limit because I am SOOO buying this watch...then, I get to looking around a little more, and I run across this little gem.

Now, I'm just pissed.  This is EXACTLY (minus the rhinestones) what I was looking for...it's a Fossil Blue, only now, it's called a "Boyfriend" watch.  Seriously.  At this point, I'm torn.  I like them both...can't afford them both...can't really afford either one, actually.  So I reluctantly decide that I don't really need a new watch, and go on about my business.

Yesterday, I decided that I'm going to buy one of them.  I feel like getting a new watch.  Screw my credit score.  Of course, as I'm scrolling through the website, I find THIS.

...and this...

...Fossil is attempting to bankrupt me.  The worst part?  I'm seriously trying to find room in my budget to spend $500 on purple watches.  What the hell is wrong with me?

The Truth about Mommyhood.

I don't even know how I got here.  I have no idea when I became this person.  Allow me to elaborate.

• I was once a party animal.  I drank beer, cranked tunes, threw darts.  But now? My idea of an awesome Friday night? Putting my kid in bed at 8pm, and then drinking a single beer while I watch DVR'd television...or read Mommy blogs.
• I am in a perpetual state of looking for something.  A burp cloth.  My phone.  The soda I swear I just opened, but apparently already finished drinking (just happened).  Also, after 10 weeks of feeding my child multiple times a day, I cannot remember to bring all of the things I need for a feeding to the couch before I sit down...and there aren't that many things: Baby, Boppy, burp cloth, Mommy.  TV remote is a bonus, but it is usually already there.  
• EVERYTHING I OWN has puke on it...somewhere...everything...including the dog.
• Speaking of the dog...I love him, really, I do.  But he is always ALWAYS RIGHT.UNDER.MY.MURTHURFURKING.FEET.  When I step on him?  When I nearly break my neck after tripping over him?  He yelps and looks at me like a sad panda.  MOVE, DOG!!
• I take pictures and videos of my kid doing the same thing over and over.  Because everything she does is unbelievably cute--even after she has done it 50 times.  Smiling is a prime example.  She smiles all the time now.  I feel bad each and every time I am unable to immortalize her little toothless, grinning face on my SD card, because every time it is just.so.cute.  Also, she has conversations with the bears on her mobile.  I could stand and watch for hours because, again, SO.CUTE.
• I don't buy clothes for myself.  I will, however, spend $45 on a gown that Macy has worn once.  See below.

OMG SOOOO CUTE!!

I drive a Mom car.  I read Mommy blogs.  AAaaaaand I hope you weren't planning on having an intelligent conversation with me...unless it is about the Most Beautiful Baby EVER Born, or perhaps maybe childbirth, the cost of diapers, or possibly the Navy.  I can only speak on those limited subjects, because I am so consumed by The Blur.

...and de-puking all of my belongings.

Wednesday Hodgepodge--7/20/11

1. July 20th marks the anniversary of the first time man stood on the moon. Flash forward 42 years to July 8, 2011 which marked the start of the final Space Shuttle mission. Should we continue to explore space? Should nations devote more or fewer of their resources to exploring space? Would you want to go into space if the opportunity arose?
I personally don't feel that we should continue to explore space.  I just think that it is cost prohibitive, and the benefits to be gained don't make up for the cost of continuing the program.  I wouldn't want to go into space.  I get motion sickness far too easily.

2. What are three things in your freezer?
Breast milk, breast milk, and breast milk.  Or did you mean 3 different things?  In that case, breast milk, ice, and chicken wings.

3. If you could see any band/artist perform live tonite who would it be? It has to be someone living...no Beatles, Elvis, etc.
Journey!!  It won't be tonight, but I am going to go see them next month at the amphitheater--can't wait!!

4. Ice-cubed or crushed? Or are you one of those people who don't like ice?
I'm with Katie--I loooove some Sonic ice!  I used to eat ice all the time when I was younger, but I have cut back a little.  It's not particularly good for your teeth.

5. The owner of a small restaurant outside of Pittsburgh recently announced he was banning children under six, saying they regularly disrupted other customer's meals. You can read the story in more detail here but isn't this a perfect topic to discuss in our Wednesday Hodgepodge? Have at it friends...what are your thoughts?
I actually have quite a bit to say about this.  First of all, I have definitely noticed the change in people's attitudes now that I am a new mom, instead of a pregnant woman.  When I was pregnant, people would move out of my way, hold the door--I even had a guy offer to pump my gas one day.

Now that I am a new mom?  Pssshh.  Half the people want to gush over my Little Cupcake and tell me how beautiful she is...the other half look at me like "That kid better not start crying."  Very seldom does anyone hold the door for me, even when I am lugging around my 10-pound baby in her 20-pound car seat.  I even had a guy basically push me out of the way so he could get past me at Kroger this morning.  I have also noticed that people are very impatient when they are behind me in line because it takes me a little longer to get my stuff together than they would like.  

As a parent (and a human being), I realize there are places I shouldn't take my child.  Black tie restaurant?  Not a place for an infant.  By the looks of things, the restaurant in question is not black tie.  It's located on a golf course, so I suppose I would consider it somewhat "upscale."  I would consider it right on the line between kid-friendly and not.  

I think the bigger issue is not the policy that has been set forth by the restaurant, but the fact that people don't seem to have a sense of what is appropriate behavior for their child(ren) in public.  I take issue with that--particularly since I have my own child now.  I can't count the number of times I have looked at her and said "Macy, you will not be acting like that."  Parents are 100% responsible for the behavior of their kids.  I almost approached a woman at Target because of the way her kids were acting.  This lady had 3 children, who looked to be around the ages of maybe 10, 8 and 4--all old enough to understand the word "no."  This woman's youngest child was screeching at the top of his lungs.  He wasn't upset or throwing a fit, he was just periodically screeching, and then giggling about it.  I could hear him from across the store.  What did she do?  She just kept repeating "Now, honey, you need to be quiet."  You can imagine how effective this was.

So, to answer the question, I think the guy did what he had to do.  It sucks that some decent parents have to suffer because of the short-comings of others, but that's how it happens sometimes.

6. What was your first car? How did it come to be yours?
My first car was a 1998 Ford Escort ZX2.  It became mine after I got a job, and paid for it.  My parents helped out a little for the first year I had it, but I paid for most of it.

7. If I had a nickle for every time I cleaned up a bodily fluid, I'd be rich.


8. I'm really not ready to go back to work on Monday...maybe two and a half months was a little too much time off...

Unexpected Blessings

Today has been quite a day.  I've been plugging away at my childcare search since yesterday.  I actually found several very promising candidates, and I had set up interviews to meet with them.  Then, I got a phone call from work, asking me if I wanted to switch shifts.  I had been working weekends--Friday, Saturday, Sunday, and Monday.  They now want me to work weekdays--regular 7-3, Monday-Friday.  That might seem like a better schedule.  For me, it's not.  I like having 3 days off every week, and I was arranging my childcare for my old work schedule.  I said they "asked" me to switch shifts...it wasn't really a request.  Naturally, I panicked.

After I hyperventilated and paced around my apartment, twiddling my hair for a few minutes, I finally pulled myself together.  The church I visited last Sunday has a day school, and they take infants.  I called to see how long the wait was.  To my complete amazement, they have an opening starting August 1st...WoW!!  People wait months to get their kids into these type of schools.  They are licensed and accredited, and they have a Christian-based curriculum...and they have an opening for my daughter in 2 weeks.

And all I have to say...God is big, and He is good!!  I could go on, but I don't really feel like I need to.  I just want to thank everyone who prayed for me and Macy yesterday.  He has answered those prayers in a big BIG way!  I am confident that my Little Cupcake is going to be well taken care of, and that this is the plan He had all along.  I'm just so amazed at how He makes everything appear to just fall into place.

Thank you, Lord, for reminding us all that you are so much more powerful than any of us can fathom!!

Prayer Monday--7/18/11

I'm trying to get back to my regularly scheduled blogging.  I'm not sure how much success I am going to have, but I'm making an attempt.

I'm feeling really needy and selfish today.  A lot of times, I feel like I only remember to pray when I have some big crisis...and today is one of those days.

I tend to avoid dealing with big problems.  I don't know why.  I know they only get bigger when I ignore them, but I do it anyway.  A prime example would be two years ago when I waited until 5 days before I was supposed to report to my ship to find somewhere to live in Virginia.  That was a long weekend.  This time, I have waited until 5 days before I am supposed to go back to work to find daycare.

In my defense, I actually started thinking about this while I was still pregnant.  Macy has been on a waiting list for childcare through the Navy Childcare Referral Office since January..and they still don't have a spot for her.  My situation is hard to accommodate because I work weekends...and childcare providers apparently don't?  So today, I am going to call back to the Referral Office and hope something opened up.  Then, I am going to make phone calls to some churches in hopes that they know of someone who might be able to watch my kid. I'm also going to attempt to post a job on care.com.  All of this scares the living daylights out of me, because we are talking about finding someone to take care of my Little Cupcake on 5 days notice.

So, today, I'm praying that God will provide.  I know He is so much bigger than this problem.  I know He could send me what I need after just one phone call.  I pray it happens that way.  I also pray that He will give me the wisdom to select someone who is going to take good care of her.  I pray that He will help me to trust that either way, HE will be taking care of her.  I also pray that he will give me the courage to call a bunch of people I don't know and ask them for help...which I'm SO good at.

Church

Yesterday, Macy and I went to church.  I honestly don't remember the last time I went to church.  It has been a long time.  But lately, I've really felt like I needed to go.  I didn't know what type of church I wanted to visit, but I knew I wanted to try a different denomination than the one in which I grew up.  I think part of the reason I haven't gone in so long is the "All-or-Nothing" mentality of that particular denomination.  Part of accepting that life isn't perfect is accepting that I sin, just like everyone else.  I want to find a church where I am accepted, not judged for my life decisions.  I really didn't feel that was possible if I stuck with Denomination X, so I decided I should look elsewhere.

A couple of weeks ago, I happened to notice a Methodist church as I was out and about.  There was nothing really spectacular about the church itself, but it stuck in my mind--enough that I Googled it when I got home.  I also looked for some other local Methodist churches, and did a little bit of research on Methodism.  I liked what I found.  One thing I liked was that they tend to be lest fundamentalist than other denominations.  I have a really hard time with rigid adherence to theology just because one verse in the Bible mentions it.  Of course, I believe the Bible was inspired and ordained by God...but I also believe it was written and translated by men.  I tend to have a looser interpretation than some, which I guess makes me not a fundamentalist.

So we visited a Methodist church yesterday.  The service was good.  We will be going back next week.  I was nervous to go, but I actually felt like I was being welcomed as a guest, instead of made into a spectacle.  I think that is a good sign.

Also, look how cute my little Cupcake was in her church clothes!

SUYL: How did you share your pregnancy news?

If you're visiting from Kelly's Korner, Welcome!

My story doesn't follow the Fairy Tale I would like, but it is still my story and I feel like sharing it.  If I were to use 1 word to describe my life, it would be imperfect.  This story fits perfectly into my imperfect life.

My little Cupcake was conceived last September.  I left on September 20th for 10 days at sea on board the USS George H. W. Bush, came home for a 4-day weekend, and then left again for 25 days at sea.  By the time I made it home on October 29th, I was 3 weeks late and sick as a dog.  I had no idea how to tell her father.  By the time I got home, I was shaking--my nerves were nearly shot.  I had already stopped at Walgreens to pick up a pregnancy test.  The two of us had our typical conversation about what we planned to do for the weekend.  He wanted to drink beer.  I asked if his feelings would be hurt if I didn't drink any beer with him.  I could see the fear as I said "Because I might not be able to drink anything for about the next 9 months."  It was not a happy moment.  The events that followed are kind of a blur.  I took the test--which was digital, just so there was no question--and smoked one last cigarette.  Neither of us were thrilled.  I think we were both kind of in shock.

It took me a little while to come to terms with my pregnancy.  I wasn't married.  I was going to have to transfer to a different job because I couldn't stay on the ship.  It just wasn't what I had always imagined it would be.  I really wanted to down a 6-pack and chain smoke, which was my normal way of dealing with stress.  It was a hard time.  I finally told my family about a month later.

As much as I wish I had a wonderful story with smiles and hugs and jumping up and down, I don't.  It's OK though, because I have this instead.

...and I wouldn't trade her for the world.  She is helping me every day to accept that life is never perfect, but it can still be pretty great.  She has filled a hole in my heart that I never knew I had.  If I had known on October 29, 2010 that she was going to be this amazing, there would have been rainbows and unicorns and all manner of festivities in celebration of expecting her.  When I look at her, I can't believe that I ever felt the way I did on that day.
*****
Now a plug for my friend while I have you all here!!

My dear friend, Julia, and her husband, Chris, are in the process of adopting a little girl from Eastern Europe.  The process it quite expensive, so she is hosting a fundraiser over at her blog.  If you have a second, please check it out!  She is giving away some very nice prizes--Coach purses, Juicy Couture watch, Brighton bracelets, and much more.  It only takes a $25 donation to enter to win!!  Please consider helping them bring their little girl home!!

Macy's Birth Announcement

Perfectly Paisley Birth Announcement

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View the entire collection of cards.

Bragging

Ii has been difficult to find time to blog over the last 5 weeks.  It has been difficult to find time to do lots of things--laundry, sleep, shave my legs, relax, eat.  I spend most of my day trying to keep my 5-week-old awake, lest she stay up until midnight every night.  It's been frustrating.  And lonely.  VERY lonely.

I can't believe it has already been 5 weeks since Macy was born.  She's such a good baby.  She rarely cries, and she lets me sleep in until 9:00 most mornings.  She isn't sleeping through the night yet, but she is finally adjusting to being on a schedule.  She is such a happy baby.  I look at her, and I can't believe how beautiful she is, or how much I love her.  I also can't believe I made her.  She is amazing.

Other than entertaining an infant all day, I have also been working on this:

Yes, friends, that is all breast milk.  This picture doesn't do justice to the amount of breast milk I have in my freezer right now.  This is where I really start bragging.  Please bear in mind that I spend a lot of time on the verge of tears because of my current life situation.  Being a single parent to a newborn is hard.  I'm the breadwinner, and the house wife, but there is no husband to come home from work at the end of the day.  Thus, I have to find happiness somewhere.  So, as you all read this and become irritated, pissed off, or jealous, please keep in mind what I have gone through in order to achieve this lifetime goal:  I can eat whatever I want and still lose 2 pounds a week.  I'm not even kidding.  Macy is 5 weeks old, and I have already lost 30 pounds since she was born.  I'm serious about this being a lifetime goal.  At one time, I was that girl who eats whatever she wants and stays thin...but it was when I was 12.  I've struggled with weight most of my adult life.  My new metabolism makes all of this shit seem a little bit more worth it.  Obviously, Macy makes it worth it too, but you know what I mean.

Oh, I am also currently wearing a size 40D bra...some would think I should be excited, but I could really do without these gigantic jugs.  Even after I drop the last 10 pounds of baby weight, I won't be able to wear my regular shirts again--my hooters are too big.

Am I the only one who appreciates the irony that my gigantic jugs are both helping me lose weight AND preventing me from wearing smaller clothes?

A Baby Story

DISCLAIMER:  If you have no desire to read about my cervix, dilating, or amniotic fluid, you might want to skip this one.

Hello, Dear Internets.  I apologize for the long hiatus.  Apparently, babies are a lot of work!!  I know I had mentioned doing a 38 Weeks post, but I decided just to share the good part--the belly pic.  That's what you all want anyway, right?  This was taken at my baby shower--2 days before Macy was born.  Check out my sweet cankles!!

The rest of that post would have read something along the lines of "Ankles...really swollen...pee 30 times a day...glad I made it to my own shower."

You see, 5 days prior, I had my first visit to my OB's office.  At this visit, I was informed that I was already dilated to 2 cm, and would NOT be making it to my due date, or even to June.  When I commented that I only needed to make it to the 28th--the day of my baby shower--I was told I had a 50/50 chance. Thankfully, Macy cooperated.  My shower was amazing, and I would like to thank all of Macy's wonderful Illinois Aunties for doing such an awesome job.  Here is a picture of all of us:

The day after my shower, I was supposed to go to the lake with the fam.  My brother was in town visiting from Springfield, and we were supposed to have a nice day sweating in the sun on the boat.  I woke up that day feeling like crap.  I was also pretty sure I was leaking amniotic fluid, which meant I definitely shouldn't be getting into any lakes.  I decided to stay home and nest all day instead.  It was a good thing too, because that day was the most uncomfortable day of my entire life.  I was feeling an incredible amount of pressure in my abdomen, and a lot of pain too.  I was sweating like a pig, and I couldn't get comfortable.

That evening, I started having contractions.  If you've never had a kid, please don't believe anything you see on TV.  Contractions are not a sudden, stabbing, debilitating pain that blind sides you out of nowhere.  They feel very much like cramps, and they start out mild and intensify over time.  If you have back labor, which I did, they feel like a lower back ache.  Many people think back labor is very painful.  I have always had back problems, so I actually didn't think back labor was that bad. I was relieved that I had started having contractions--that meant the end of my pregnancy was near.  I slept as much as I could that night.  The contractions really weren't that bad.  They were uncomfortable, but I managed to sleep through them for a little while.  By 6:00 the next morning, they were finally 3-5 minutes apart and consistent--time to head to the hospital!!  By that point, I was ready to get the show on the road!!

They admitted me around 7 am.  By that point, it was extremely painful to sit.  I refused the wheelchair, and walked myself up to the labor deck.  I put on the very fashionable gown--complete with slits in the front that would allow me to whip out my boobies with ease!!--and the nurse came to get my information.  She checked me, and found that I was dilated to 3 or 4 cm, but the bag was bulging.  She immediately pulled her hands out of my vajayjay so as not to risk inadvertently breaking my water (only doctors can do that).  They finally moved me into the labor room, and I did my best to get comfortable.  All I could really do by that point was lay on my left side.  Any other position was too painful.

You're probably thinking, "Man, I hope she gets her epidural soon."

I didn't have one.  On purpose.  I didn't want an epidural.  People look at you like you have an extra head when you say the words "I don't want an epidural."  Let me just say, I don't judge you if you had an epidural, or if you plan to have one.  I didn't opt to go natural because I am a crazy hippie.  The women in my family are built such that babies just, like, shoot out of us.  We have short labors.  I was banking on this, and I didn't want an epidural to slow the process down.  I also didn't want a catheter, or to have a needle shoved into my spine.  It was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and I won't have one the next time either.  That's why I didn't have an epidural.  Turns out, my gamble was a good one--I was only in active labor for about 6 hours.

Anyway, so I'm laying on my left side, breathing through the contractions.  My OB was actually on call that day, which was excellent.  He came in around 10:20, and asked if I wanted to have my water broken.  He told me it would speed things up, but also make my contractions more intense.  I believe my response was, "Let's get this over with."  He broke my water, and checked me again.  By that point, I was already dilated to 7 cm.  The stage of labor that takes you from 7 cm to 10 cm (fully dilated) is called transition.  It's the most intense (read: painful) part, but also the shortest.  It was very intense.  But, it only lasted for about 45 minutes.  At one point, I questioned whether I was going to make it.  My mom was my coach, and I looked at her and said "I don't know if I can do this."  By that point, I had no choice.  They wouldn't have given me the epidural even if I wanted it.  I was incredibly relieved when I finally felt the urge to push.  My OB got there, I pushed for about 20 minutes (which actually felt amazing), and then they handed me this:

Macy Jane

May 30, 11:36 am

7 pounds, 2.3 ounces

19.5 inches long

Perfect.  Absolutely Perfect.

Theeeen, it got a little bit interesting.  I am a prime example of why home births are a BAAAAD plan.  If I had given birth at home, Macy would have been perfectly fine...and I would have bled to death.  The worst part of my labor was not the contractions...or the pushing...or being stuck 3 times for my IV.  It was the 20 minutes my OB spent trying to keep me from bleeding out on the table.  I actually cried during that part.  I just  wanted him to STOP.PUSHING.ON.MY.STOMACH.  I lost 3000 ccs of blood, and my blood pressure got as low as 80 over 30.  Fun times!  I had no idea what was happening, but apparently, it was pretty serious.  I didn't have to have a transfusion, but they spent the next 10 hours pumping me full of pitocin.

Despite my theatrics, I had an amazing birth experience.  My OB was awesome.  I had wonderful nurses.  I was feeling good by the next day. 

Oh, and this little thing?  Did I mention that she is Perfect?? :)

Wednesday Hodgepodge--6/1/11

1. Have you ever been to the US capital-Washington DC? If so, what's your favorite site? If not, what would you most like to see on a visit to that city someday in the future? Is it even on your list of places to visit?

I have not been to DC.  It is on my list of things to do while I'm living in Virginia, since it is only a few hours away.  I have heard the traffic there is atrocious, which could be a big reason why I haven't gone yet.  I don't really have one specific thing I would like to see when I finally visit.

2. When did you last attend a wedding? Are there any weddings on your summer calendar? Were you a summer bride? If you're single, is summer the season of your dream wedding?
I had to think a bit on this one.  I'm pretty sure the last wedding I went to was back in 2005, when my parents got married.  I know plenty of people who have gotten married since then, but I haven't been able to make it to any of their weddings.  I do not have any weddings on my summer calendar.  I would actually prefer to get married in the fall, myself.

3. What is your favorite way to eat strawberries?
With Cool Whip on a hot summer day.

4. What is one thing you are especially looking forward to this summer?
Hmmm...well I just finished a *little* project that I have been working on for about nine months now...I am pretty much looking forward to watching all of her Firsts and taking pictures of her in all of her little summer outfits.

5. Do you use/like the self checker at the grocery store?
I am a bit particular about the way my groceries are bagged (never would have imagined, huh?), so I love the self checker.  The baggers at the commissary work for tips.  You would think they would be better at bagging.  However, they frequently bag my groceries in paper without asking me (HATE), and put my raw pork chops right on top of my produce--despite the fact that I organize everything on the belt for them.  The self checker helps me keep my blood pressure down.

6. Share a favorite piece of common sense advice.
If it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

7. Barefoot, flip flops, tennis shoes, sassy sandals-your first choice for summertime?
Flippy Floppies.  Tidewater Flip Flops, to be exact.  They are foam with cloth straps, so they never leave blisters--EVER.  They are soooo comfortable!

8.  If you noticed that there was no 38 Weeks or Prayer Monday post from me this week, that's because I got a little bit busy with being in labor.  I did make it all the way to 38 Weeks, so I will put up a post with a final belly pic, eventually.  I am actually still in the hospital at the moment.  Macy Jane graced us with her presence on May 30th, at 11:36 am.  She weighed 7 pounds, 2 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long.  She is perfect.  I will post about her after I get paroled and get settled at home.  Meanwhile, here is a picture to hold everyone over.

Wednesday Hodgepodge--5/25/11

1. What is something about living in this country that you value?

'This country' is whatever country you call home.
Freedom and Opportunity.  People have to freedom to be as ignorant, closed-minded, liberal, or stupid as they want to...and I have the freedom to publicly tell them they are ignorant, closed-minded, liberal, or stupid.

2. What is a favorite something you own that is red, white, and/or blue?
I'm having a hard time thinking of anything...my dog is white.  He is a favorite something of mine.

3. Do you fly a flag at your house on patriotic holidays?
I live in an apartment, so there really isn't a place to fly a flag.  I do have a pet peeve about people who fly the American flag without observing the rules for displaying it properly.  I love that people want to be patriotic and fly a flag outside their homes.  However, either take the flag down at night, or put a light on it like you're supposed to!

4. What ingredients do you think should be included in a great picnic basket?
Strawberry lemonade, a red and white checked picnic blanket, sandwiches of some sort, ants on a log (celery with peanut butter and raisins), shoe string potatoes, and cookies.

5. What is one interesting piece of trivia you know? Interesting is of course a relative term.
Some sweet Navy trivia:  The USS George H. W. Bush (CVN-77) is the only aircraft carrier ever to have its namesake come aboard for a tour.  Every year, former president Bush and his wife, Barbara, visit the ship while it is underway.  He actually has his own state-room on the ship.

6. Wednesday, May 24th is National Escargot day...have you ever tried them? Eww or ooh?
Never tried them, but I doubt I could stomach them.  I have tried oysters, and they pretty much remind me of boogers.  I imagine escargot would have a similar consistency.

7. What is one thing you know for sure?
No one makes it out of this life alive.

8. Yesterday was my first appointment with the doctor who will be delivering Macy.  He said I won't make it to my due date, and he gave me a 50/50 chance that I'll make it to Saturday.  I'm really hoping to make it that long, because my baby shower isn't until Saturday!  I've been trying to avoid labor triggers, and spend as much time on my back as I can.  Let's hope she holds out!

Prayer Monday--5/23/11

I have to be selfish again today.  I covet prayers right now.  I can use all I can get.  Today has been the Second Worst Day of My Life.  Today, I had to tell the man I love that it's over between us.  I've know for 2 months, but haven't been able to tell him because he has been out to sea.  I didn't think it was going to be this hard to put into words something I have known for so long.  It really was.  It took me three days worth of phone conversations to gather the strength to finally tell him that I can't be with him.  It took saying it several times to make it stick.  I kept saying it and then grabbing it back.

I didn't want to say those words.  I still love him.  I still want to be with him.  I didn't want it to be over--I still don't.  I don't want to feel like this.  I feel like I have lost everything--all over again.  I'm terrified that I made the wrong decision--that there really is some explanation behind this mess.  I'm weak and I'm a complete wreck right now.  I can't get his voice out of my head.

I know I'm not going to feel better right away.  I know it takes time to heal.  Right now, I just need God to give me peace.  I need Him to speak to my heart and tell me I did the right thing.  I need Him to help me sleep tonight.  I really need His help because I'm not strong enough to do this right now.

37 Weeks

I do apologize for being MIA here lately.  I had to make last-minute preps to travel 900 miles, followed by a 2-day drive.  Although I have LOTS of free time right now, I am certainly out of my element, and out of my routine.  It has definitely thrown off my blogging.  I promise I'll try to do better this week!  Here is the latest update on Macy.

How far along?
37 Weeks.

Total weight gain/loss:
I don't know.  I haven't weighed myself in almost 2 weeks.

Gender:
It's a Girl!! Macy Jane.

Size of baby:
Macy weighs about 6.3 pounds. She is about the size of a watermelon, and is over 19 inches from head to heel.  These are just rough measurements.  She is officially full term today!!

Maternity clothes?
Yes.  I only have a couple of non-maternity shirts that still fit.

Stretch marks?
Yes--I do think the Mederma is helping though.  I have noticed that they are lighter in some places.  I haven't developed any new ones since the ones on my hips showed up a while ago.

Sleep:
I get up a couple times to go to the bathroom every night.  It is actually somewhat difficult (and very uncomfortable) to haul myself out of bed half asleep.  I have been sleeping with my feet up, which isn't that comfortable.  I'm also not in my house, so that makes it harder to sleep.

Best moment this week:
Getting to call her Full Term.  If she comes out tomorrow, she should be perfectly fine--lungs and all.

Movement:
Feel those kicks?  She's gonna be a socca playa....she is...she iiiiiiiiiss.  She has changed up her routine a little.  Lately, she is super active in the afternoons, which is fine by me.  She is moving around quite a bit right now.  I think she has mastered the art of pushing against my rib cage with her feet and forcing herself even further down into my pelvis (and onto my bladder!)  She is head-down, and I think she is facing to my right side, because I always feel her kicking me on that side.

Food cravings:
Lemonade--all types.  McDonald's frozen strawberry lemonade, Simply Lemonade with raspberry, Summer Shandy (lemonade beer).

Symptoms:
Let's hear it for CANKLES!!!  The literally showed up as soon as I got out of the car following my 900-mile trek.  I've been sleeping with my feet up, trying to stay off my feet, drinking as much water as I can stand, and trying to cut down on salt.  None of it really prevents my feet from looking like the skin on my ankles is about to pop by the end of the day.  I also go through about a roll of toilet paper per day, due to my hourly trips to the bathroom.

Belly Button: in or out?
The inside is flat, but the edges are starting to roll out a little bit.

Rings: on or off?
Off.

What I miss:
Bending over, shaving my legs without sweating and huffing, beer.

What I am looking forward to:

I have my first visit with the doctor who will be delivering her on Monday.  I'm excited to ask him my giant list of questions.  I'm also hoping a little bit that I might be dilated a couple centimeters.  I want her to stay in there until my shower next weekend, but after that--game on!

35 Weeks

How far along?
35 Weeks.

Total weight gain/loss:
32 Pounds.

Gender:
It's a Girl!! Macy Jane.

Size of baby:
Macy weighs about 5.25 pounds. She is about the size of a honeydew melon, and is over 18 inches from head to heel.

Maternity clothes?
Yup.  Even my large t-shirts are having trouble covering my whole belly.

Stretch marks?
Yes.

Sleep:
I've been sleeping pretty well.  It is difficult to get up out of bed to go to the bathroom though, especially when I'm half asleep.

Best moment this week:
Picking up my maternity pictures.

Movement:
I drank caffeinated coffee yesterday...it felt like there was a circus in my uterus...or maybe a track meet.

Food cravings:
Chocolate.

Symptoms:
Lack of mobility, peeing like a pregnant woman.

Belly Button: in or out?
Neither? It is pretty much flat at this point.

Rings: on or off?
Off.

What I miss:
Frozen alcoholic beverages.  I ate Mexican food tonight, and I really wanted a margarita.  McDonald's new frozen strawberry lemonade will have to do for now.

What I am looking forward to:
Heading to the So Ill this week.

What happened to Customer Service?

I am frustrated today.  My frustration actually started about 30 minutes after I woke up, which makes for a crappy day.  Spencer was supposed to go to the vet this morning to get all of his vaccines.  His appointment was at 8am.  I usually don't wake up until between 8 and 9, so I already had to get up earlier than normal--not really a big deal, though.  When I got to the vet's office to check in, I was asked if I had changed my phone number.  I have had the same number for nearly a decade--it's the same number they have in their computer system.  Apparently, they had tried to call me yesterday, but my number was "disconnected."  Then, I was told that they only have one doctor today, and they need to reschedule my appointment for next week.  If that won't work, I can drop him off and pick him up later--like around 6:00 PM when they are finished.  Are ya kiddin' me?  Also, I hardly think that calling me YESTERDAY to reschedule was an acceptable solution.  I still wouldn't be able to get another appointment until next week.

Spencer has doggie insurance through Banfield Pet Hospital, which is associated with Petsmart.  This post will hardly be a commercial for them, and I WILL be writing a complaint later on today.  They recently opened a new Banfield in the area.  Rather than hiring new vets, they just pulled vets from the other area hospitals to staff this new hospital.  The end result?  Now ALL of the hospitals are understaffed.  Is that my problem?  No.  Are they making it my problem?  Um, yes.

Spencer's appointment has been scheduled for several months.  Yes, I said MONTHS.  I didn't just call last week to set it up.  Yet, this morning, I had to rearrange my day because of their scheduling error.  My baby has to spend his day locked in a crate, just so he can get his shots.  Then they act like I have no right to be frustrated about this.  Seriously?  I pay these people $20 a month.  AND they didn't even apologize for inconveniencing me!!  

What the hell happened to "the customer is always right"?!

Wednesday Hodgepodge--5/4/11

1. Have you ever been served breakfast in bed? Do you enjoy that? If someone were serving you breakfast in bed this coming weekend what would you hope to see on the tray?
I have never been served breakfast in bed.  I prefer to keep crumbs out of the bed, so I would rather just eat it on the couch, I think.  If someone were to serve me breakfast in bed, I would want some Pillsbury orange sweet rolls, hashbrowns with cheese, turkey sausage, milk, and some 5-Alive juice, I think.

2. What is one piece of advice you would give a new mother?
I got nothin'.  I'm going to be a new mother in a few weeks.  Any advice for me?

3. When was the last time you wanted to scream? Explain.
The last time they bagged my groceries in paper instead of plastic at the commissary.  Seriously, they have done it twice in the last few weeks.  Both times, it absolutely RUINED my entire day.

4. Can you hula hoop?
Right now?  Probably not.  Pre-pregnancy, I could.

5. What is something people do in traffic that really bothers you?
I could write a dissertation about this, but I won't.  We have A LOT of traffic in this area.  All the time.  The biggest thing that bothers me is when people are impatient and feel that they MUST have a more urgent need to get where they are going than all of the other people waiting in traffic.  A couple of months ago, I was waiting to turn left out of my apartment complex.  The intersection behind the complex is pretty busy, and there isn't a light.  In the evenings, it can take a while.  Some guy didn't want to wait behind the other 4 cars to turn left, so he got in the right turn lane, then pulled out to turn left as I was turning left, nearly causing an accident.  I waved a special finger at him.

6. What do you do when people don't admit they're wrong?
If it's a work situation--like someone who works for me did something and they won't just say "yeah, I'm jacked up," and instead they decide to make up an excuse--I'll tell them they're full of shit and I know it. 

If it's a personal disagreement, I'll argue my point, and eventually just drop it if they're really sticking to their guns.  Then I'll bring the issue to my circle of friends and we will mock them behind their back for being so stupid (in some cases).

7. What is the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word 'fun'?
Any activity with someone who makes me laugh.  It doesn't really matter what I'm doing--if I'm laughing, I'm having fun.

8. The rain from the Midwest has finally reached the East Coast...somehow, I don't think it will do quite the same amount of damage out here. I suppose I shouldn't speak too soon, though.

34 Weeks

Sorry I didn't dress up for you today!

How far along?
34 Weeks.

Total weight gain/loss:
31 Pounds.

Gender:
It's a Girl!! Macy Jane.

Size of baby:
Macy weighs about 4.75 pounds. She is about the size of a cantaloupe, and is about 18 inches from head to heel.

Maternity clothes?
I broke down and spent way too much money at Motherhood Maternity the other day.  They are over-priced, but their clothes are so cute!

Stretch marks?
Yes...and I don't know that this Mederma crap is even doing anything.

Sleep:
I've been sleeping pretty well this week.  My dreams have gone from upsetting, to just weird.  I do get up at least once a night and stumble to the bathroom, though.

Best moment this week:
The last bit of my travel paperwork is FINALLY finished.  I'm so grateful that God took care of everything for me--I've been so nervous.

Movement:
Quite a bit.  She has fingernails and toenails now, and I think she is starting to use them as weapons in there.

Food cravings:
Chocolate...I guess it doesn't help that I hit the Walgreen's after-Easter candy clearance for a large bag of Hershey's eggs, some M&Ms, and 2 boxes of Cadbury Creme Eggs.  Once the tasty treats are in my house, I have very little willpower to keep from eating them.

Symptoms:
I'm convinced that my bladder now holds about 10 mL of fluid--which is about 2 teaspoons. (Driving 900 miles next week should be interesting) I have all but lost the ability to lean forward, and it is getting difficult to roll over and get out of bed.

Belly Button: in or out?
Neither?  It is pretty much flat at this point.

Rings: on or off?
Off.

What I miss:
There aren't many things in the world I would like more than to eat a 16-piece order of Boss wings from Wild Wing Cafe with extra EXTRA bleu cheese and celery, and drink a couple of Summer Shandys.

What I am looking forward to:
This is my last weekend of work!!  Then I get to go home for over a month!  I haven't spent more than a couple weeks at home since 2005.

Prayer Monday--5/2/11

I'm tired today...not much to say 

Requests:

1.  Victims of natural disasters all over the world--earthquakes, flooding, tornadoes.

2.  My travel paperwork--almost done.

3.  Macy.

Prayer:

Dear God,

  I come before You today and ask that You make Your presence known in the hearts of Your people this week.  There are so many people hurting right now and asking "why?"  I ask that You give them peace.  I know that You have a plan in all of this.  I pray that You give us the faith to trust that you see the whole picture, while we only see a part.  

In Jesus' name,

Amen

Z is for Zombies

So I've been hearing about this "Zombie Apocalypse" for a while now.  I always thought it was sort of a joke, but lately, I'm not so sure.  I started to realize how many people really take this seriously when I had a conversation about it with a good friend of mine.  She and her husband actually have a plan for what they will do in the event of a Zombie Apocalypse.  At first, I was in disbelief.  Then she explained it to me, and it actually makes a lot of sense.

When I think of zombies, I think Night of the Living Dead--corpses coming back to life as zombies and climbing up from the ground.  As I did a little research (OK, let's be realistic--I Googled "zombie apocalypse," which directed me to Cracked.com), I actually found some feasible ways that a zombie apocalypse could occur.  According to the information I found on Cracked.com, there are actually 5 scientific explanations for this apocalypse.

1. Brain Parasites which lead to personality changes and, possibly, insanity.
2. Neurotoxins which cause the victim to appear dead.  The victim can be "brought back," but in a trance-like (read: zombie-like) state.  Supposedly, this has already happened in Haiti--a voodoo priest needed some cheap labor for his sugar plantation.  Google "Clairvius Narcisse"--he was supposedly found wandering his village 18 years after he had been declared dead due to this phenomenon.
3. Viruses like Mad Cow Disease.  Also known as Creutzfeldt–Jakob disease, it causes dementia, memory loss, personality changes, speech impairment, jerky movements, loss of balance and coordination, changes in gait... Sound like a zombie yet?
4. Neurogenesis--as in, stem cell research.  Most worrisome: the use of stem cells to regrow dead brain tissue.  Theoretically, we could actually create our own zombies in a lab.  Scary.
5. Nanobots--tiny robots, like, microscopic.  They invade a host and live there for days after the host dies.  Why are we trying to think this shit up?

I was a total non-believer before reading this article.  I guess I should add Zombie Apocalypse to the list of problems we are creating for ourselves through modern science--right up there with Super Bugs, which also scare the bajeezus out of me.  I have no idea what I would do in the event of the Zombie Apocalypse.  I suppose it is something to think about.

I may be a day late, but this concludes my A-Z Blogging Challenge!  I had a lot of fun, and I want to say Thank You to all the readers who have followed my alphabetical journey.  I hope you keep reading!!

Y is for Yard

As the last few months of my lease tick away, I'm very much looking forward to putting apartment living behind me.  I'm not just looking forward to having a real kitchen, but I am also ready to have a yard.

I love to be outside.  Sunshine just makes me feel good, and nothing beats the smell of evening in the spring time.  I live across the street from Home Depot right now.  Every time I walk past on my way to the park, I long to have somewhere to plant an herb garden and hang my collection of wind chimes.  It has only been very recently that I realized how much I missed living somewhere with a yard.  Lately, I've even found myself wandering through the outdoor living section of Target and really wanting to buy a table and chairs with an awesome umbrella.  Hopefully it won't be too much longer until I can start working on my perfect yard.

It will need a firepit, and of course that table and chairs with the umbrella.  I'll make sure the chairs are padded so they are nice and comfortable.  I'll plant lots of flowers--the kind that come from a packet of seeds so I can watch them sprout and grow.  Someday, Macy will be big enough to help with the planting.  I would also love to have an herb garden so that I can cook with fresh herbs without them going bad.  I might even plant a few vegetables--a tomato plant for sure.  I'll hit up Pier One and make sure I get plenty of candles and lanterns for ambiance.  I'm going to need to pick myself up a few buckets to put my beer in for get-togethers, and some colorful drink dispensers (the kind with the spout) for lemonade and sangria.  Also, this will be a good excuse to spend way too much money on Target's colorful plastic plates and cups that I really don't need.  

Hopefully next summer, this won't just be my dream yard--it will be reality.

X is for eXposed

Yesterday I did something I have been too scared to do for almost 6 months.  You see, I have been hiding big parts of my life for a long time now because somebody else forced me to.  I can't say that I am entirely without blame.  I allowed him to guilt me and scare me into keeping secrets.  I thought it was for a good cause.  Really, it was so he could keep up the lie that he has been living.  It is only fitting that it took me this long to "announce" my pregnancy on Facebook.  (After all, things aren't really official until they're Facebook Official, right?)

Last night, I did it.  I made Macy Jane Facebook Official.  I was really nervous to do it.  There are a lot of people I consider to be friends who had no idea that I'm pregnant.  I wasn't entirely sure how they were going to react.  Most of them were shocked.  I know a few were hurt that they just found out.  I don't really know what to say to them.  There is a very long story behind why I didn't announce my pregnancy to the world.  I still don't feel like sharing it with a lot of people.  I wish I hadn't hurt their feelings.

I'm glad I finally did it.  I'm tired of hiding.  I'm tired of keeping secrets for someone else.  I feel better to have this out in the open.  I'm tired of being ashamed.  There are still things I don't feel like sharing with the world.  A lot of things I post on here I wouldn't put on Facebook, and I never post links to my blog.  But I keep those things out of the public eye because I want to, not because someone else might get upset.

I feel better now that I am exposed.  It's like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.  I never knew just posting a few pictures would make me feel so much better.  It feels like I'm starting to take my life back.

It's a good feeling.

W is for Wine-o

Today, I'm going to share about one of my favorite places on the face of the Earth.  No, it's not some remote beach somewhere, or some exotic destination.  You don't need a passport to go there--just a Designated Driver.  I am talking about my favorite winery--Blue Sky Vineyards in Makanda, IL.  

I am fortunate enough to be from a little town right in the heart of Southern Illinois wine country.  People come from all over the US to visit the Shawnee Wine Trail.  I just have to make a short 9-mile drive from my parents' house.  Of the many wineries on the Shawnee Wine Trail, Blue Sky is by far the best.  The winery itself--modeled after an Italian villa--sits on a hill overlooking the beautiful Southern Illinois landscape.  Giant blue and white umbrellas freckle the hillside, and a serene waterfall adds to the amazing ambiance.  I have a few pictures of the outdoor scenery, but you can find more by clicking here to visit their website.  These pictures were from a wonderful trip back in July of 2009 with some of my favorite Chicks.  This particular stop along the wine trail might have contributed to my desire to sing Journey songs while hanging out of my own sunroof.

Those amazing umbrellas!

The beautiful pavilion where I would love to get married someday!

  

A closer shot where we are all mostly behaving ourselves!

Southern Illinois wine is my favorite for many reasons.  I love that is is local, and it is very reasonably priced.  Also, it is the only place where I can seem to find my favorite wine--Chambourcin.  I love dry wines, especially dry reds.  Blue Sky's Chambourcin Reserve is an amazing wine.  Another favorite of mine is the Old Red Sangria from Blue Sky.  They sell Sangria by the pitcher-full in the summer time.  A few summers back, I was able to get a hold of the recipe so I can have a little taste of home here on the East Coast.  I can't wait until Macy is here so I can have myself a glass or two out on the porch.  I already planning to make a weekend of Winetrailing next summer, so get ready Chicks!

Wednesday Hodgepodge--4/28/11

1. What is something that bothers you if it is not done perfectly?
This is actually kind of a hard question, because there are lots of things I have to do perfectly.  I guess the biggest one I can think of is note-taking in class.  I can't stand it when my notes aren't organized the way I like them.

2. What is one of your best childhood memories?
We used to go on our family vacation to Branson, MO and Springfield, MO every summer.  We went the same places (Silver Dollar City and Fantastic Caverns) and did the same things every year, but it was always fun to get away.  The best part was riding "Fire in the Hole!" over and over with my brother.  "Fire in the Hole!" is an indoor roller coaster.  It is dark, and there are a bunch of fire scenes.  The ride rolls along slowly as you pass the fire scenes, and then you hear someone scream "Fire in the Hole!"  The ride goes down quickly and comes back up.  At the end, you see what looks like an oncoming train, and then you get splashed with water.  It sounds totally cheesy, but it was the only ride that was air conditioned, and there was rarely a line.  We would get off the ride and get right back on.

3. Do you plan to watch the Royal Wedding and when was the last time you wore a hat?
I really have no interest in the Royal Wedding.  I wear a hat to work every time I put on my uniform.  As far as a non-work hat, it has been a long time.

4. Where do you fall in the birth order in your family? Do you think this has influenced your personality?
I'm the oldest child.  I think it has definitely influenced my personality.  I'm very outgoing and independent.  I also made all the mistakes, and I'm the most strong-willed.

5. Where do you think you spend most of your money?
Probably at Target.  I heart Target.  However, I would like to inform them that 15% off does not a clearance make.  Sorry, Target.  Also, their return policy blows.

6. When you need to confront someone would you rather communicate in person, on the phone, by email or by letter? Why?
I think by e-mail.  It gives me a chance to think about what I want to say, and to read over it before I send it.  That way, I don't end up saying anything I don't mean, especially out of anger.  Also, in person, I tend to "chicken out" of saying things that need to be said.

7. Dodge ball, freeze tag, kickball or jump rope? You have to pick one.
I would have to say Dodge Ball.

8.  I am so glad that I decided to participate in the A to Z Blogging Challenge!  It has been really fun, and it has definitely forced me to be more creative than usual.