Breastfeeding in Public

Everyone seems to have an opinion on this particular subject--usually at one end of the spectrum or the other.  Recently, I had the great pleasure of reading a very hilarious rant about this very thing.  The rant came to be after a friend witnessed a fellow church-goer breastfeeding her 2-year-old during the service, right in the church pew. This friend posted a Facebook status about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in church.  The thread very quickly became a debate about the legality of breastfeeding in public...and the fur started flying.  Of course, I have an opinion about this.

First of all, I would like to point out that most people realize that breastfeeding is the best thing for babies.  They haven't chosen not to breast feed because they are unaware of the benefits.  Whatever the reason they opted for formula, it was an important reason to them.  Pointing out that breast milk can lessen allergies and strengthen the immune system probably isn't going to change their mind--the same way that telling me how "gross" you think breastfeeding is, isn't going to convince me to stop.

As much as I support breastfeeding, I am no crusader for the cause.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean that I am running for president of La Leche League.  I am aware that it is legal to breastfeed my daughter anywhere that I am permitted to have her.  I have nursed my daughter in public.  I always choose to (attempt to) cover myself.  My daughter is currently 3 months old.  I can guarantee you I will not be breastfeeding her in public--covered or uncovered--when she is 2 years old.  I have many reasons for this--reason #1 being that I intend to wean her before that point.  Yes, I know the AAP and the WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2...they recommend it if it is mutually desirable, and I do not desire to breastfeed that long.

Breastfeeding is hard work.  Seriously.  Sore nipples are no joke--and my kid doesn't even have teeth yet.  Breastfeeding and working?  I should get an effing award for this.  Pumping sucks.  It doesn't allow my supply to respond to Macy's demand.  It's not as effective at maintaining my supply as nursing.  I never realized how much bonding I was going to do with my pump instead of my baby.  Sometimes I think she prefers a bottle to a breast, but I won't get started down that road or I risk having a crying spell over being such a terrible mother.  It's hard, people.

If, by some long-shot chance, my daughter is not weaned by the time she is 2, I will still not choose to nurse her in public.  By that age, there are other ways to meet her nutritional needs.  Solid foods are introduced by 6 months at the latest, and many babies are weaned around one year of age.  After that point, I really do feel that it becomes inappropriate to breastfeed in public.  If you want to keep doing it, do it at home.  Maybe it is a great bonding experience for you and your baby--there are other ways to bond though.  And there are most definitely other ways to feed your child.  I think too many people try to stand up to The Man by exercising their right to whip out their boobies in public--which I will never understand.  I have stretch marks... on my boobies.  And they will never be perky again.  I'm not interested in showing them to any looky-loo who happens to be in my vicinity just because it is legal for me to do so...despite my love of stickin' it to The Man.

I guess what I'm getting at is, just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should....legal does not equal appropriate.  Now someone help me down from this soap box!

I Need to Own 6 Purple Watches, Right?

I have a serious beef with Fossil right now.

I have somewhat particular tastes about certain things.  Example: watches.  I like wearing them.  I like a certain type of watch though.  Fossil used to make a line called Fossil Blue watches--stainless steel, wide band, multiple choices for the face color.  These watches were my fave.  I have owned several.  My most recent one died a few months back, and I went in search of a new one--a Fossil Blue with a purple face, of course.  I am a pretty big fan of internet shopping, so I checked Fossil's website.  I wasn't able to find the Blue watches, so I decided I would just go to my local Fossil store.  I'm not sure why I thought this was a good plan.

You see, I hate shopping.  I love buying things, I just hate shopping.  Rather, I hate sales people.  I don't enjoy feeling like prey as I'm trying to select which fragrance of over-priced shower gel I'm going to purchase at Bath & Body Works.  Yessss, I'm still doing fine...just like I was 3 minutes ago when you walked past me.  Oh, and those middle-eastern kiosk people peddling the weird-smelling lotion?  No, you may not ask me a question about my skin, or offer me a free sample or a hand massage...now STOP TOUCHING ME! 


I made the mistake of going to the Fossil store during off hours--great time to avoid other shoppers, baaaad time to avoid sales people.  I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted.  I was hoping to make my lap around the store and find the right display case before anyone cornered me and tried to talk me into buying something ugly and way out of my price range.  I literally made it 2 steps into the store before the vultures (yes, TWO of them!) swooped towards me.  I tried avoiding eye contact, and saying "I'm just looking."  No dice.

Vulture: "Well, what are you looking for?"
Me: (loud sigh) "I'm looking for a watch.  I like the Fossil Blue line."
Vulture: (in a tone that indicates he is obviously judging me for not keeping up with fashion) "We don't make those anymore."

Figures.  He then spends the next 10 minutes showing me ugly watches that I would never wear.  I told him I liked the heavier stainless steel band--he tried to sell me on one with a silicone band because it's so nice and light.  I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work at Fossil.  Upon realizing I had no intention of buying any of the ugly watches, he gave "the nod" to the manager vulture, who came over and took her turn.  Listen, lady, if I tell you I don't like rhinestones or GIANT ceramic bands, that means I DON'T LIKE THEM.  I'm wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt that bears the name of a high school in Texas I didn't go to, and Tidewater skull-and-crossbone flip flops--telling me how "in" they are probably isn't going to change my mind.  I can barely spell fashion.

I eventually escaped her talons and headed for the door.  Back to the internets I went.  Eventually, I was able to find something that was OK...it still had effing rhinestones, but I decided I could deal since it was purple..ish.

I also found a dressier one that was pretty cute.

I wasn't in love with either one, but they were all I could find at the time.  Ever since my purchase, Fossil has been stalking me.  I have deleted most of their e-mails, but I happened to open one a few weeks ago.  When I clicked on the message, this popped up.

Are you effin' KIDDING me, Fossil?  You didn't have this 5 months ago?  Geez.  At this point, I am trying to remember which of my credit card balances is the furthest from its credit limit because I am SOOO buying this watch...then, I get to looking around a little more, and I run across this little gem.

Now, I'm just pissed.  This is EXACTLY (minus the rhinestones) what I was looking for...it's a Fossil Blue, only now, it's called a "Boyfriend" watch.  Seriously.  At this point, I'm torn.  I like them both...can't afford them both...can't really afford either one, actually.  So I reluctantly decide that I don't really need a new watch, and go on about my business.

Yesterday, I decided that I'm going to buy one of them.  I feel like getting a new watch.  Screw my credit score.  Of course, as I'm scrolling through the website, I find THIS.

...and this...

...Fossil is attempting to bankrupt me.  The worst part?  I'm seriously trying to find room in my budget to spend $500 on purple watches.  What the hell is wrong with me?

The Truth about Mommyhood.

I don't even know how I got here.  I have no idea when I became this person.  Allow me to elaborate.

• I was once a party animal.  I drank beer, cranked tunes, threw darts.  But now? My idea of an awesome Friday night? Putting my kid in bed at 8pm, and then drinking a single beer while I watch DVR'd television...or read Mommy blogs.
• I am in a perpetual state of looking for something.  A burp cloth.  My phone.  The soda I swear I just opened, but apparently already finished drinking (just happened).  Also, after 10 weeks of feeding my child multiple times a day, I cannot remember to bring all of the things I need for a feeding to the couch before I sit down...and there aren't that many things: Baby, Boppy, burp cloth, Mommy.  TV remote is a bonus, but it is usually already there.  
• EVERYTHING I OWN has puke on it...somewhere...everything...including the dog.
• Speaking of the dog...I love him, really, I do.  But he is always ALWAYS RIGHT.UNDER.MY.MURTHURFURKING.FEET.  When I step on him?  When I nearly break my neck after tripping over him?  He yelps and looks at me like a sad panda.  MOVE, DOG!!
• I take pictures and videos of my kid doing the same thing over and over.  Because everything she does is unbelievably cute--even after she has done it 50 times.  Smiling is a prime example.  She smiles all the time now.  I feel bad each and every time I am unable to immortalize her little toothless, grinning face on my SD card, because every time it is just.so.cute.  Also, she has conversations with the bears on her mobile.  I could stand and watch for hours because, again, SO.CUTE.
• I don't buy clothes for myself.  I will, however, spend $45 on a gown that Macy has worn once.  See below.

OMG SOOOO CUTE!!

I drive a Mom car.  I read Mommy blogs.  AAaaaaand I hope you weren't planning on having an intelligent conversation with me...unless it is about the Most Beautiful Baby EVER Born, or perhaps maybe childbirth, the cost of diapers, or possibly the Navy.  I can only speak on those limited subjects, because I am so consumed by The Blur.

...and de-puking all of my belongings.