F is for Food

Yeah, I'm a fat kid.

I love food.  I love eating.  I hate food.  I hate being fat.  I use food to cope with problems.  I eat when I'm sad.  I eat when I'm bored.  I eat when I'm stressed.  I eat when I'm not even hungry sometimes.  I have food issues.  I have metabolism issues.  (If I had faster metabolism, I could eat whatever I want.)  I have weight issues.

I don't know how I developed my emotional attachment to food.  I wish I could pinpoint an event or a habit from childhood.  I would love to figure it out so that I don't pass along my food issues to my daughter.  I feel like it is really unfair to have a passion for something, but to HATE the results of enjoying that thing as much as I hate being overweight.  I've heard people throw around the saying "Nothing tastes as good as being skinny feels."  I absolutely disagree.  I wish I could agree with that.  I wish I could be one of those people who loves salad.  But I don't love salad.  I pretty much hate salad--except Pasta House salad.  I love bacon.  I love cheese.  I love uncooked brownie batter.  I love cheesecake.

In the past, I have had a lot of success with the South Beach Diet.  Well, I've also had success with the Diet Coke and Cigarettes Diet, but it's not nearly as healthy.  (It involves skipping meals, drinking Diet Coke for energy, and smoking about 2 packs a day to kill hunger.)  The problem is, I can never stick with the South Beach Diet long enough to make it a lifestyle.  If you don't know what the South Beach Diet is, it's not a diet as much as it is a lesson in how to eat healthy--lean mean, veggies, high-fiber carbs, fruit, eggs, dairy.  It allows me to have sweets without completely ruining my progress.  I'm setting a goal for myself to actually start conforming my lifestyle toward this South Beach Ideal after I have Macy.  I will have to make some adjustments while I'm breastfeeding since my nutritional needs will be different during that period.  I'm planning on breastfeeding her for a year, so hopefully in that time I can get my eating habits under control.  If I can eat the way I should, I can teach Macy to eat the way she should.  Then maybe someday my little girl can be that skinny bitch everyone hates who loves salad.  I have such lofty goals for her.