Willpower? Not so much...

In a former life, I used to have some willpower.  Or maybe I didn't and I just killed my cravings with nicotine.  Either way, lately I feel like I just can't control myself when it comes to food.  Yeah, I know I'm pregnant, and pregnant women have cravings.  I just feel like I'm going a little overboard here lately.  

Today would be a prime example.

I woke up this morning and had a pretty decent breakfast--whole wheat toast with peanut butter (yes, Casey, I am giving her a peanut allergy) and a glass of skim milk.  I had an appointment, and then I went to the gym for an hour.  So far, so good.  On my way home, the craving hit me--McDonald's french fries.  I think this is the 3rd day in a row.  A LARGE order of McDonald's french fries.  SALTY french fries.  Salt is not really good for pregnant women.  Especially for a pregnant woman who is hoping to be medically cleared to drive 900 miles when she is 35 weeks so she can have her baby in Illinois.  High blood pressure is one of the things that would definitely cause the doctor to "ground" me.  Yet, I cannot resist.

My chocolate craving is out of this world right now.  Today I stopped to get milk, and I managed to walk out with a triple chocolate cake mix and a container of whipped chocolate icing.  I was going to make the cake mix into cupcakes this evening, but instead I ended up eating about 4 spoonfuls of the icing.  That was on top of the Hershey's Kisses I ate throughout the day, because they are in the jar on the counter and why not?  I'm pregnant!  I've been justifying the horrific amount of calories I consume every day by thinking "I'm sad and lonely right now...I'm depressed and it's better than smoking...I'll feel better in a while and then I'll cut back."

I think it is officially time to get over it.  I am still sad and kind of depressed, but I bet I'll be more sad when I have to deliver a 10-pound baby because of the amount of weight I put on while I was pregnant.  Or when I have huge, scary stretch marks covering my entire abdomen.  

Now I just have to figure out how to get some willpower back...ideas, anyone?

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. The season of Lent begins on March 9th this year...do you participate and if so, in what way?
I don't participate personally.  Usually, I have to listen to Baby Daddy whine about how he can't eat meat on Fridays.  Also, he usually gives up something ridiculous, (like chocolate?!?) and he whines about that too.  Then we make way too much food on Easter and just gorge ourselves on it.   But not this year.  It's kind of sad, actually.

2. Traditionally pancakes are eaten on the day known as Shrove Tuesday which is the last day before Lent (March 8th this year). So....butter and syrup? Blueberry? Chocolate chip? ewww, no thanks!! What's your pleasure when it comes to eating pancakes?

If I'm eating them at home, chocolate chip.  I have mastered the art of making excellent chocolate chip pancakes.  Also, I don't put syrup on them.  I'm also a fan of Cracker Barrel's Maine Wild Blueberry pancakes (with the blueberries in the batter), and IHOP's Cinn-a-stack pancakes.  I'm hungry now.

3. Spring is coming. (It is coming, right?) What's your favorite springtime flower and do you suffer from seasonal allergies? Two questions I know, but they're lightweights.

I guess I would have to say lilacs, which might actually be a summer flower, now that I think about it.  I love the way they make it smell outside.  I never suffered from seasonal allergies until I moved to Virginia.  I grew up in the mid-west, and then I lived in South Carolina for 4 years.  According to the vet, this area is the second worst area for environmental allergens--oh, my dog has seasonal allergies, too.  That's why I got the info from the vet.  I had just paid him $200 for an allergy test.

4. "Our opinion of people depends less upon what we see in them than upon what they make us see in ourselves." Author unknown. Agree or Disagree? Why?

I guess I would agree.  I'm kind of having a brain fart about what to say in response to this one.  I can't really think of any examples.  

5. Since it's "March" and also the season of Mardi Gras....have you ever been in a parade? What's the best parade you've seen?

I've never really been big on parades.  I remember watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade a few times as a kid.  I can't really think of a specific parade that was "the best."

6. You would jump up and down and shout for joy right now if someone told you___________?

Baby Daddy is coming home and he doesn't have to go back until this deployment is over!!

7. How clean is your car on the outside? Inside? Is there junk in your trunk?

My car is silver, so it stays pretty clean.  I used to have a black car, and I learned my lesson.  Especially when I go home to the land of dirt and gravel roads.  Inside my car is still clean because it is new.  Also, Spencer has never been in it, so there is no dog hair.  I don't actually have a trunk, but there is nothing in the back of the car--again, it's new. 

8. Insert your own random thought here.

I love this time of year.  Not just because Spring is on the way and it is about to warm up.  Also, because 1) It is Girl Scout Cookie season, and 2) Cadbury Cream Eggs!!

Seriously?!

Anyone who has had a conversation with my about my job will probably tell you that I am *slightly* disgruntled. Most of the time, I chalk this up to the old adage "A bitching sailor is a happy sailor."  For the most part, the military has taken very good care of me over the past 6 and a half years.  Yeah, I complain about my job, or the people I work for, or the Navy in general.  But mostly, MOSTLY I lead a pretty good life.  I have been given opportunities and benefits by the military that I otherwise would not have been given.

Then, there are days when I want to stand in the middle of the room and scream at the top of my lungs "ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?!?" and throw a temper tantrum.

Today is one of those days.

You see, about 6 months ago, I did something that caused Big Navy a great inconvenience.  I went and got myself knocked up.  Thus begins my saga.

I left my ship back in December, about 2 working days after medical confirmed my pregnancy.  Initially, I went to a place called TPU--Transient Personnel Unit--while Big Navy decided where they were ultimately going to send me.  After 2 weeks, I was issued "orders,"  which told me when and where I was to report for duty for the remainder of my pregnancy, and for 12 months following my delivery.  I left TPU, and reported to my new command.  When I got there, the people in charge of the paperwork informed me that my orders were written incorrectly.  Basically, there is a 3-digit code attached to my orders.  My code was supposed to be 100, they put 105.   Seems pretty innocuous, right?  RIGHT.

That 3-digit code might as well have been 666 for all the trouble it has cause me over the past 3 months.

I was told I had to call Millington--the place where the "orders gods" live--and tell Big Navy that my orders were wrong.  A little side note about Navy "customer service:" If there is a problem with something (paperwork, a part is the wrong size, some officer forgot to print his name after his signature on that paperwork, whatever), and that something has your name or social attached to it in any way, it is YOUR fault--YOU, the service member.  So of course, the fact that some middle-aged man in Millington typed a "5" instead of a fucking "0" on my orders is MY fault.  So I call Millington.  I did mention this was in December, right?  So when do you think I actually got a hold of a person in Millington?  Yes, January 3rd.  It took A MONTH to reissue the orders once I finally talked to person.  It only took 10 business days for them to issue the damn orders to begin with, but it took a month to fix them.  This creates a major paperwork problem for the Local Navy.  Without the right orders, Local Navy can't "gain" me, which means that they can't update what command I am attached to, they can't alter my pay, they can't do anything with me.  I'm basically in Limbo...or maybe Purgatory?  I don't know, I'm not Catholic.  I guess it's more like the "Beyond" section of Family Guy's Bed Bath & Beyond (Google it).  No one can do anything with me until my paperwork is fixed.

I know I'm long-winded today, but I'm seriously pissed.

So...new orders, PSD can gain me, everything is good.  Until I get my pay stub for February--it says my check is $500 less than it should be.  Turns out, Local Navy wants me to prove I don't live in the barracks before they stop taking the $286/month meal deduction out of my check.  I find this out after they have taken 2 months worth of this meal deduction. (You know, since I was in Purgatory for the last month and they couldn't update my pay.)  This involves me routing paperwork, getting approval from my command and from the galley, and going back to PSD so they will STOP TAKING MY DAMN MONEY!!  Of course, I can't do all of this in 1 day.  It took about a week, and 2 extra trips to the base ON MY DAYS OFF.  The last trip I made was this morning.

Today had been such a good day.  I was feeling so productive.  I had gotten everything straightened out with my pay.

Then I looked at my new pay stub.

They took another $400 from me.  Don't know why.  They can't tell me why over the phone.

I have to go back over there...18 miles away...while gas is $3.35 a gallon...IN UNIFORM...on my fucking day off.  FML.

So short version:
I'm having a baby--YAY!
Big Navy sent me off the ship--YAY! and messed up my paperwork--BOO!
Messed up paperwork cost me $566.00 last month--BOO!
Big Navy charging me $400 this pay check for being pregnant...or for some other unknown reason I can't find out without driving 36 miles round trip on my day off--BOO!
Don't join the military.  Big Navy will fuck you.
FML.

Prayer Monday

   

Last week, I discovered that I have a problem letting go of things.  Well, I didn't discover it last week.  I've known it for a while.  Last week it really started to weigh on my heart.  I spend a lot of time worrying and stressing about things I can't control.  This week, my goal is to give these problems to God.  I am asking Him to help me let go, and to remind me of this passage from Matthew when I try to take my problems back from Him.

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of 

you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"  Matthew 6:25-27

Prayer Requests:

1.  Keep Daddy and his boat safe and bring him home to us.  Heal his back so he doesn't have to be in pain all the time.

2.  Let Macy continue to grow and develop the way she is supposed to.  Help me to handle the stress on my body, and to have a safe and healthy pregnancy, labor, and delivery.

3.  Help me let go and give my problems to You.  Allow me to trust that You will handle them.

4.  Help me sleep.  I have had a terrible time sleeping since Daddy left.  

Praises:

1.  God has given me Macy.  She moves and kicks and reminds me every day that she is a little piece of her Daddy.  She helps me feel close to him when he is so far away.

2.  It has started to warm up a little bit.  I'm so thankful that Spring is on the way!

3.  God has helped me make it through another week.

Prayer:

Dear God,

  I need your strength this week.  So often I feel like I won't even make it through the day.  Thank you for carrying me through these difficult times.  Help me to focus on the things that truly matter.  Remind me that you are strong and powerful, and that I should be coming to you with my problems instead of relying on myself.  Please bless all those participating in Prayer Monday, and hear our requests.  Allow us to feel your presence this week, Lord.  In Your name I pray.

Amen

26 Weeks

How far along?

26 Weeks.

Total weight gain/loss: 
22 Pounds.

Gender: 
It's a Girl!! Her first name is Macy.  Still working on the middle name.  Baby Steps.

Size of baby:
Macy weighs about 1.7 pounds, and is about 14 inches from head to heel.

Maternity clothes? 
Yes Please!! I wear yoga pants most days, which aren't actually maternity clothes--unless you ask Baby Daddy, who said "Right.  Those are pregnant-person pants" when I showed him the yoga pants.

Stretch marks? 
I just found out that Mederma makes a product specifically for stretch marks, not just for scars.  I will be picking some up this week.  Still none on my belly.

Sleep: 
Still sleeping like crap.  I think it's a combination of missing Daddy, nearing my 3rd trimester and just being tired, and Macy kicking me in the night and waking me up.

Best moment this week: 
Realizing that I love being pregnant.  As someone who has struggled with body image pretty much since puberty, being pregnant is liberating. It's the one time where it's not only socially acceptable to be fat, but people want you to take pictures of how fat you are and post them on your blog!!

Movement: 
She moves anytime I am still for an extended period of time.  At night I have been rolling onto my side and feeling her kick as I go to sleep.  Feeling her move is very comforting.  She is half her Daddy, and when I feel her move, I feel closer to him.

Food cravings: 
HUNGRY.ALL.THE.TIME.  Plus I'm still pretty depressed, so I'm eating a lot more than I should.  I have been trying to compensate by walking more--I'm terrified of gaining too much weight or giving birth to a 20 pound baby.

Symptoms:

The nosebleeds have somewhat subsided.  Technically, I don't cross into my 3rd trimester for two more weeks, but I can tell my symptoms are starting to change already.  My 1st trimester, I was EXHAUSTED.  Like, asleep on the couch before 8 every night, and sleeping until 8 the next morning.  I also had some nausea.  The day I hit 13 weeks, I wasn't tired anymore, my nausea was gone, and I had headaches all of a sudden.  Fortunately, they faded quickly.  I have a feeling I'm going to get a whole new set of symptoms in my 3rd trimester, including the return of fatigue.

Belly Button: in or out?
Still in.

Rings: on or off? 
Off at night and while I exercise, on the rest of the time.

What I miss: 
Today I really wanted a Bloody Mary for some reason.  I haven't really "missed" booze too much, but today I could definitely go for a drink.

What I am looking forward to: 
Having another 3-D ultrasound in a few weeks.

Phoodos: Crispy Breadsticks!!

Today I made Casey's Crispy Breadsticks, with a little twist.  I used Crescent Roll dough because that is what I had in the fridge.  I pinched it back together and rolled it out just like bread stick dough.  I separated my dough into two batches.  The first I brushed--spooned, actually--with olive oil, and sprinkled with garlic salt and Mrs. Dash Italian Medley (I didn't have any parm), and then the tops I just sprayed with Olive Oil Pam.  For the second batch, I melted 2 tablespoons of unsalted butter (I wanted to use it up so I can get it out of the fridge), and sprinkled with cinnamon sugar.  My bread sticks took 10 minutes to cook, and they turned out splendidly!!  

With garlic and Italian seasoning

With Cinnamon and Sugar

Wednesday Hodgepodge

1. March 2nd is Dr. Seuss's birthday so I'm wondering...do you like green eggs and ham? Okay-how about this instead...how do you like your eggs? Or don't you?
It depends.  If I'm at a restaurant, I order scrambled with cheese.  I can't handle runny eggs.  I don't know what it is, but runny eggs completely gross me out.  I like my eggs over hard, but I have had a few bad experiences where I have ordered over hard, and when I cut into the egg, it runs all over the plate.  Now I save myself the ick factor and order scrambled.

2. Is March coming in like a lion or something less ferocious where you live?

It's funny that this is a question.  I was actually thinking this morning that the wind has been roaring lately.  We have definitely been having ferocious weather here for about the past week.

3. Do you work better or worse under pressure?

I'm going to go with better.  I don't know if that is actually true, or if I have procrastinated so much in my life that I have no idea what it is like not to work under pressure.

4. March Madness-are you a fan? It's college basketball in case you're wondering. And if you're outside the USA tell us-is there any sort of 'madness' taking place during March in your part of the world?

I can't stand basketball of any variety.  I don't know why.  I hate watching it, I hate hearing about it, and I really hate when it cuts off part of one of the shows in my DVR.

5. Under what circumstances do you do your best thinking?

For organizational-type thinking, I like to be sitting down with some paper and a pen in front of me.  Preferably, a pretty notepad and a fine-point pen.  For problem-solving, I do a lot of thinking while I am exercising.  That is the time when I think through and figure out how I am going to handle my problems.

6. What item of clothing from your wardrobe do you wear most often?

Right now sweat pants or yoga pants with t-shirts.  When I'm not pregnant, jeans and t-shirts with hoodies.  I don't really do much dressing up.  I wear a uniform to work, so when I get home it seems pointless to put on "something nice."

7. Do you use sarcasm?

Like it's a second language.  

8. Insert your own random thought here.
Tomorrow my baby sister will be old enough to buy herself booze.  I'm really getting old.  But I have decided that I am going to stay 26 until I turn 30.  That's what Baby Daddy did, and it seemed to work out pretty well for him--seriously, he had been saying he was 26 since he was 26...until he turned 30 three months ago.