I've always been a Routine kind of person. It probably has something to do with my OCD. Routines fit nicely with my compulsive list-making, obsessive organizing, and sick love of office supplies. Last night both my purple pen and my aqua pen decided to die during class and I seriously stressed about how I was going to make it through class. It's sick, really, but I'll spare you any more specifics about my neurosis.
Lately, I take very little comfort in my routines. They are actually starting to stress me out. My routines remind me of him. Several of my routines were built around my e-mail schedule. I don't e-mail him anymore, but everything else has stayed the same. My routines just remind me that nothing is the same anymore. Gotta love irony. It's depressing. The worst part is that I have no idea how to change things up. I know in a few weeks I will be going home and that will definitely shake things up. I really feel like I need to change something before then.
I don't know how. I don't know a lot of things right now. I created this rut, and now I have no idea how to climb out of it.
Anyone else stuck in a rut?
A little bit. Although I hate admitting that.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize I gave you a look when you visited in December, but that was a hard month for us. I apologize if that was the case. I certainly never held your pregnancy against you.
ReplyDeleteBut I have learned that babies are a blessing...rainbows or not. And yours is just as much of a blessing as mine would have been even if the circumstances are a little different.
We'll love Macy just like we love you, Tara. We can't replace something you've lost, but I can open my home to you. I hope you'll make use of that while you're home.
I have to wait until Chris comes home to move forward with our paperwork... :'( She probably won't be able to come home before they shut down in July now. The bubbly-ness is gone... Let's just play some Dashboard and cry...
ReplyDelete