Wednesday Hodgepodge--2/29/12

1. The Hodgepodge falls on the last day of February this year, a leap year. How will you spend that extra day?
Unfortunately, I will be working.

2. What has recently required a leap of faith on your part?
My decision to work things out with Baby Daddy was very scary.  I would definitely say that took a leap of faith.

3. We're one week into the season of Lent...are you marking these 40 days in some way? Giving something up or adding something extra to normal life? How's it going so far?
I grew up in a denomination that didn't really observe the season of Lent.  I don't really know a lot about it.  I would like to observe it next year, so I suppose I should start doing some research.  I'm sure my resident Bible expert, Casey, will leave me some info in the comments!

4. When was the last time you sat beside a fire?
Probably when I was at my parents' house last May before Macy was born.

5. Surf and Turf is on the menu. Do you order as is or do you ask for just the surf (lobster), just the turf (steak), or a menu so you can select another option?
Order as-is!  I love steak and lobster.

6. If you could have any television program back, not in reruns but in new episodes, what program would you choose?
I'm pretty sure all of my shows are still on the air.  The sad thing is, when I first read this, I actually thought "Growing Pains!"  I don't even know why.  Can I say that I would like Burn Notice to keep making new episodes forever?  Or that I wish I could bring Detective Stabler back to Law & Order: SVU?

7. They say an elephant never forgets. These days would you say your memory is more like an elephant or a gnat?
These days, gnat for sure.  I used to remember everything.  My mom would tell me the grocery list and say "Don't let me forget anything."  No problem.  Now?  I get to the top of the steps and forget why the hell I walked upstairs.  I always remember when I get back to the bottom.  Having a kid causes your mind to go.  Maybe it's all the sleep deprivation in the beginning.  Perhaps you never really recover from it.

8. I had a really rotten day today, and I really wanted to bitch about it.  I'm glad I decided to do this instead!

On Working Moms

Maybe it is appropriate that my 100th blog post is a rant.

Today, I saw something that nearly caused me to lose my schmidt.  It was an article about how stay-at-home-moms are doing God's work.  I've seen things like it before.  I'll be honest, I didn't even read it because it pissed me off so much.  I sort of glanced at it, and then vented my frustration to my girlfriends, sprinkling the "f" word here and there.  I do that sometimes.

There were several reasons for my frustration.  I was sitting in traffic while I read it (Yes, I Facebook and sit. I was not actually moving, so it's OK).  It was 6:40am.  Those were the first two reasons I became so irritated.  Neither of them are very significant.  I'm not a morning person.

One of the legitimate reasons this made me want to hit someone, is my hatred for people who have the "Look at Me!" mentality.  I'm pretty much a badass.  I do a lot of very noteworthy things on a daily basis.  But I don't need to go around broadcasting them.  It's not polite to brag.  People who brag (to people who don't care) always seem to be seeking affirmation that they are doing something good.  Notice I qualified that statement--I can brag with the best of them.  The SAHM who constantly has to remind everyone that she is a SAHM, and she homeschools her kids, and she makes all of their food from things she grew organically in her yard, and she knitted their cloth diapers from hand-spun wool that she sheared from the sheep she raised... What the hell is she trying to prove?  Is she trying to justify the fact that she has no job?  Does she need to remind the world that being a Mom is a job?  I don't get it.  "Everyone look!  I am insecure about my contribution to society, so I feel the need to remind you all that I fulfill my obligation to the kids *I* made!! It's a job!!"

The second reason this made me very VERY stabby, is that working moms are still MOMS.  I still wipe my kid's ass.  I still wash all of her damn clothes.  I still kiss boo-boos.  I still have to instill values in her.  I still have to say "No!" A THOUSAND times because she won't just. stop. playing. in the. damn. dog. bowl.  Yes, there are those nine hours each day when someone else cares for her.  Oddly?  They charge me to do it.  Because I want to make a second mortgage payment to my kid's day care--which is not far off.  The months that have five Mondays?  Day care actually costs more than the mortgage.  No shit.  My kid's teachers do love her, though.  You know what else they loved?  When they got to see her crawl for the first time while I was at work.  That was an awesome day.

So to wrap up this rant...kiss my ass, SAHM.  I do every bit as much work as you, and I have to spend 40 hours a week earning a living.  And as as bonus, day care sends home a lovely virus with my child about once a month, so I get to be sick too!!  And when she's sick?  She can't go to day care!! ...but I sure as shit still have to pay for a full week.

[Editor's note: I don't mean all SAHMs.  I mean that SAHM.]

You can also see this blog if you have any doubts about whether or not it sucks to be a working Mom.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat...

Lately, I feel like I'm oscillating between being totally bored with my life, and being completely overwhelmed.

I don't blog because I feel like no one would want to read anything I have to say.  I'm not interesting any more.  I'm not even funny.  I'm sarcastic and bitter.  I'm Mommy, and very little else these days.  I really have nothing to talk about except my kid.  That's the boredom part.

At least once a day, I get sucked into this downward spiral where I freak out over the amount of things on my To-Do List.  Then, I obsess for a while about how to tackle all of those things.  Usually, I decide I just need to get organized.  Simple.  So I organize so much that organizing becomes an astronomical task in and of itself...because I need EVERYTHING to be organized.  I made a list of the closets in my house one night with the intention of planning out where I would store everything.  I finally realized I needed to throw that shit away.

So, yeah.  It's a vicious cycle.  When I start to think about all the things "I really need to get done," this palpable anxiety wells up inside me.  I try to beat it back down with organizing.  The organizing is just another thing that "I really need to get done."  It is a never-ending task that is supposed to be my solution and is supposed to ease my anxiety.  The more anxiety I feel, the more I obsess over organizing and making lists because if I could  just. get. organized... I wouldn't be anxious and I wouldn't feel like I am totally overwhelmed by the fact that I ALWAYS need to do laundry.  (Seriously. ALL.THE.TIME. I need to do laundry.  Apparently, if you leave laundry in a pile, that shit will MULTIPLY and make laundry babies.)

I'm exhausted, which makes me even more boring.  All I want to do at the end of the day, is sit in my comfortable chair, watch Dexter (which I am now caught up on--which SUCKS), rot my brain with Facebook and Mommy blogs, and buy shit I don't need on Amazon.  That's not interesting.  No one wants to read about that.

So, I apologize, dear Bloggies.  I won't even promise to blog more often.  All I really have to talk about are my unbelievably adorable child, and my neuroses.  Please, go back to your interesting lives now.

Signs of Life

I knew I hadn't blogged in a while, but I didn't realize it had been over a month.  Here are some updates:

 Updates!! Yay!

•  I said "Good-bye!" to apartment life last month.  I'm finally moved into my townhouse.  It is so amazing to have room for all (most) of my stuff.  I hate moving.  I really hate moving with an infant.  I am very thankful for my dear friends, Josh and Christina, and Josh's brother, Jon, for helping me moving all of my stuff for me since Macy was being a little demon child and screaming bloody murder all day having a rough day.  Sometime next year I might be completely unpacked.
• Macy is now 4 months old, and she gets cuter every day.  She rolled from back to belly a few weeks ago, and from belly to back today.  She "talks" all the time.  She drools and chews and puts everything in her mouth.  She laughs and smiles and wiggles non-stop.  She knows how to fake-cry to get my attention.  She loves her puppy and smiles every time she sees him.  He loves her too, mostly because he enjoys licking bodily fluids off of her.  Gross.

• I accepted orders to the USS Theodore Roosevelt, which is currently in the shipyard in Newport News.  I will report next June to finish my last 10 months in the Navy.  I'm going to have a hell of a commute every day, but I shouldn't see any more time at sea.
• The Fall weather here has been amazing.  This is my favorite time of year, and I am so glad the heat of Summer has finally come and gone.
• I have discovered that all Targets are not created equal.  The one nearest my new house may as well be a Wal-Mart (which is quite an insult coming from me).  It has no Starbucks.  It has a terrible selection.  It is poorly laid out.  Next time, I will drive the extra 4 miles to the "good" Target.
• I have a strange addiction to McDonald's.  I know it doesn't taste good.  I know it is terrible for me.  I still find myself craving a McDouble, fries, and a Dr. Pepper way more often than I should.

I will now promise to blog more often.  That is a promise I will most likely break.  The Blur has got me, and I don't see it letting go any time soon.

Random List

• I spent the last two days downloading music and updating my iPod...and it is AWESOME now.
• I am going to have to limit my TV watching to hours when my child is not awake.  This makes me really sad.  I'm a TV junkie, and I really was hoping to stay that way.  But my kid would rather watch TV than nurse, and "they" say I'm supposed to wait until she's 2 to let her watch TV.  I'm really torn about this, but I do probably spend more time watching TV than I should.
• Summer Shandy is gone for the season, and it makes me extra sad.
• Football season is here, and it is very bittersweet.  I love football.  I spent the last 4 years watching football with Macy's Dad.  I'm sad that this season is different.  I am, however, glad that I no longer have to deal with a Steelers fan.  They're jackholes.  The last time Kansas City beat the Steelers, he threw a fit like a little kid, got drunk, and passed out on the couch at 6pm.  Jackhole.  Not this year.  Also, Uncle Keith bought Macy her first Chiefs shirt, which is awesome!
• I'm fat.  Sure, I just had a baby 3 months ago...but I was fat before I got pregnant.  I'm still fat now, even if part of it is baby weight.  It's discouraging.  And it's so much work to actually try to lose weight.
• I hate packing.  I hate moving.  I can't wait to be done with it and living in my townhouse.  I really can't wait for all the cabinet space, and for Macy to have her own room and her own crib that is not a Pack and Play.
• Right now, I am on leave--vacation, for you non-military types.  In the 5 days I have been on leave, I have received NINE phone calls and SEVEN texts messages from work. Whuck?
• I really REALLY want to get another tattoo right now, but I should probably wait until I'm not nursing anymore...and I can afford it.  I'm going to get Macy's footprints on top of my foot...and it is going to hurt like a mother, just like the other one I have on my foot.

...That is all.

Breastfeeding in Public

Everyone seems to have an opinion on this particular subject--usually at one end of the spectrum or the other.  Recently, I had the great pleasure of reading a very hilarious rant about this very thing.  The rant came to be after a friend witnessed a fellow church-goer breastfeeding her 2-year-old during the service, right in the church pew. This friend posted a Facebook status about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in church.  The thread very quickly became a debate about the legality of breastfeeding in public...and the fur started flying.  Of course, I have an opinion about this.

First of all, I would like to point out that most people realize that breastfeeding is the best thing for babies.  They haven't chosen not to breast feed because they are unaware of the benefits.  Whatever the reason they opted for formula, it was an important reason to them.  Pointing out that breast milk can lessen allergies and strengthen the immune system probably isn't going to change their mind--the same way that telling me how "gross" you think breastfeeding is, isn't going to convince me to stop.

As much as I support breastfeeding, I am no crusader for the cause.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean that I am running for president of La Leche League.  I am aware that it is legal to breastfeed my daughter anywhere that I am permitted to have her.  I have nursed my daughter in public.  I always choose to (attempt to) cover myself.  My daughter is currently 3 months old.  I can guarantee you I will not be breastfeeding her in public--covered or uncovered--when she is 2 years old.  I have many reasons for this--reason #1 being that I intend to wean her before that point.  Yes, I know the AAP and the WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2...they recommend it if it is mutually desirable, and I do not desire to breastfeed that long.

Breastfeeding is hard work.  Seriously.  Sore nipples are no joke--and my kid doesn't even have teeth yet.  Breastfeeding and working?  I should get an effing award for this.  Pumping sucks.  It doesn't allow my supply to respond to Macy's demand.  It's not as effective at maintaining my supply as nursing.  I never realized how much bonding I was going to do with my pump instead of my baby.  Sometimes I think she prefers a bottle to a breast, but I won't get started down that road or I risk having a crying spell over being such a terrible mother.  It's hard, people.

If, by some long-shot chance, my daughter is not weaned by the time she is 2, I will still not choose to nurse her in public.  By that age, there are other ways to meet her nutritional needs.  Solid foods are introduced by 6 months at the latest, and many babies are weaned around one year of age.  After that point, I really do feel that it becomes inappropriate to breastfeed in public.  If you want to keep doing it, do it at home.  Maybe it is a great bonding experience for you and your baby--there are other ways to bond though.  And there are most definitely other ways to feed your child.  I think too many people try to stand up to The Man by exercising their right to whip out their boobies in public--which I will never understand.  I have stretch marks... on my boobies.  And they will never be perky again.  I'm not interested in showing them to any looky-loo who happens to be in my vicinity just because it is legal for me to do so...despite my love of stickin' it to The Man.

I guess what I'm getting at is, just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should....legal does not equal appropriate.  Now someone help me down from this soap box!

I Need to Own 6 Purple Watches, Right?

I have a serious beef with Fossil right now.

I have somewhat particular tastes about certain things.  Example: watches.  I like wearing them.  I like a certain type of watch though.  Fossil used to make a line called Fossil Blue watches--stainless steel, wide band, multiple choices for the face color.  These watches were my fave.  I have owned several.  My most recent one died a few months back, and I went in search of a new one--a Fossil Blue with a purple face, of course.  I am a pretty big fan of internet shopping, so I checked Fossil's website.  I wasn't able to find the Blue watches, so I decided I would just go to my local Fossil store.  I'm not sure why I thought this was a good plan.

You see, I hate shopping.  I love buying things, I just hate shopping.  Rather, I hate sales people.  I don't enjoy feeling like prey as I'm trying to select which fragrance of over-priced shower gel I'm going to purchase at Bath & Body Works.  Yessss, I'm still doing fine...just like I was 3 minutes ago when you walked past me.  Oh, and those middle-eastern kiosk people peddling the weird-smelling lotion?  No, you may not ask me a question about my skin, or offer me a free sample or a hand massage...now STOP TOUCHING ME! 


I made the mistake of going to the Fossil store during off hours--great time to avoid other shoppers, baaaad time to avoid sales people.  I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted.  I was hoping to make my lap around the store and find the right display case before anyone cornered me and tried to talk me into buying something ugly and way out of my price range.  I literally made it 2 steps into the store before the vultures (yes, TWO of them!) swooped towards me.  I tried avoiding eye contact, and saying "I'm just looking."  No dice.

Vulture: "Well, what are you looking for?"
Me: (loud sigh) "I'm looking for a watch.  I like the Fossil Blue line."
Vulture: (in a tone that indicates he is obviously judging me for not keeping up with fashion) "We don't make those anymore."

Figures.  He then spends the next 10 minutes showing me ugly watches that I would never wear.  I told him I liked the heavier stainless steel band--he tried to sell me on one with a silicone band because it's so nice and light.  I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work at Fossil.  Upon realizing I had no intention of buying any of the ugly watches, he gave "the nod" to the manager vulture, who came over and took her turn.  Listen, lady, if I tell you I don't like rhinestones or GIANT ceramic bands, that means I DON'T LIKE THEM.  I'm wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt that bears the name of a high school in Texas I didn't go to, and Tidewater skull-and-crossbone flip flops--telling me how "in" they are probably isn't going to change my mind.  I can barely spell fashion.

I eventually escaped her talons and headed for the door.  Back to the internets I went.  Eventually, I was able to find something that was OK...it still had effing rhinestones, but I decided I could deal since it was purple..ish.

I also found a dressier one that was pretty cute.

I wasn't in love with either one, but they were all I could find at the time.  Ever since my purchase, Fossil has been stalking me.  I have deleted most of their e-mails, but I happened to open one a few weeks ago.  When I clicked on the message, this popped up.

Are you effin' KIDDING me, Fossil?  You didn't have this 5 months ago?  Geez.  At this point, I am trying to remember which of my credit card balances is the furthest from its credit limit because I am SOOO buying this watch...then, I get to looking around a little more, and I run across this little gem.

Now, I'm just pissed.  This is EXACTLY (minus the rhinestones) what I was looking for...it's a Fossil Blue, only now, it's called a "Boyfriend" watch.  Seriously.  At this point, I'm torn.  I like them both...can't afford them both...can't really afford either one, actually.  So I reluctantly decide that I don't really need a new watch, and go on about my business.

Yesterday, I decided that I'm going to buy one of them.  I feel like getting a new watch.  Screw my credit score.  Of course, as I'm scrolling through the website, I find THIS.

...and this...

...Fossil is attempting to bankrupt me.  The worst part?  I'm seriously trying to find room in my budget to spend $500 on purple watches.  What the hell is wrong with me?