Lather, Rinse, Repeat...

Lately, I feel like I'm oscillating between being totally bored with my life, and being completely overwhelmed.

I don't blog because I feel like no one would want to read anything I have to say.  I'm not interesting any more.  I'm not even funny.  I'm sarcastic and bitter.  I'm Mommy, and very little else these days.  I really have nothing to talk about except my kid.  That's the boredom part.

At least once a day, I get sucked into this downward spiral where I freak out over the amount of things on my To-Do List.  Then, I obsess for a while about how to tackle all of those things.  Usually, I decide I just need to get organized.  Simple.  So I organize so much that organizing becomes an astronomical task in and of itself...because I need EVERYTHING to be organized.  I made a list of the closets in my house one night with the intention of planning out where I would store everything.  I finally realized I needed to throw that shit away.

So, yeah.  It's a vicious cycle.  When I start to think about all the things "I really need to get done," this palpable anxiety wells up inside me.  I try to beat it back down with organizing.  The organizing is just another thing that "I really need to get done."  It is a never-ending task that is supposed to be my solution and is supposed to ease my anxiety.  The more anxiety I feel, the more I obsess over organizing and making lists because if I could  just. get. organized... I wouldn't be anxious and I wouldn't feel like I am totally overwhelmed by the fact that I ALWAYS need to do laundry.  (Seriously. ALL.THE.TIME. I need to do laundry.  Apparently, if you leave laundry in a pile, that shit will MULTIPLY and make laundry babies.)

I'm exhausted, which makes me even more boring.  All I want to do at the end of the day, is sit in my comfortable chair, watch Dexter (which I am now caught up on--which SUCKS), rot my brain with Facebook and Mommy blogs, and buy shit I don't need on Amazon.  That's not interesting.  No one wants to read about that.

So, I apologize, dear Bloggies.  I won't even promise to blog more often.  All I really have to talk about are my unbelievably adorable child, and my neuroses.  Please, go back to your interesting lives now.

Signs of Life

I knew I hadn't blogged in a while, but I didn't realize it had been over a month.  Here are some updates:

 Updates!! Yay!

•  I said "Good-bye!" to apartment life last month.  I'm finally moved into my townhouse.  It is so amazing to have room for all (most) of my stuff.  I hate moving.  I really hate moving with an infant.  I am very thankful for my dear friends, Josh and Christina, and Josh's brother, Jon, for helping me moving all of my stuff for me since Macy was being a little demon child and screaming bloody murder all day having a rough day.  Sometime next year I might be completely unpacked.
• Macy is now 4 months old, and she gets cuter every day.  She rolled from back to belly a few weeks ago, and from belly to back today.  She "talks" all the time.  She drools and chews and puts everything in her mouth.  She laughs and smiles and wiggles non-stop.  She knows how to fake-cry to get my attention.  She loves her puppy and smiles every time she sees him.  He loves her too, mostly because he enjoys licking bodily fluids off of her.  Gross.

• I accepted orders to the USS Theodore Roosevelt, which is currently in the shipyard in Newport News.  I will report next June to finish my last 10 months in the Navy.  I'm going to have a hell of a commute every day, but I shouldn't see any more time at sea.
• The Fall weather here has been amazing.  This is my favorite time of year, and I am so glad the heat of Summer has finally come and gone.
• I have discovered that all Targets are not created equal.  The one nearest my new house may as well be a Wal-Mart (which is quite an insult coming from me).  It has no Starbucks.  It has a terrible selection.  It is poorly laid out.  Next time, I will drive the extra 4 miles to the "good" Target.
• I have a strange addiction to McDonald's.  I know it doesn't taste good.  I know it is terrible for me.  I still find myself craving a McDouble, fries, and a Dr. Pepper way more often than I should.

I will now promise to blog more often.  That is a promise I will most likely break.  The Blur has got me, and I don't see it letting go any time soon.

Random List

• I spent the last two days downloading music and updating my iPod...and it is AWESOME now.
• I am going to have to limit my TV watching to hours when my child is not awake.  This makes me really sad.  I'm a TV junkie, and I really was hoping to stay that way.  But my kid would rather watch TV than nurse, and "they" say I'm supposed to wait until she's 2 to let her watch TV.  I'm really torn about this, but I do probably spend more time watching TV than I should.
• Summer Shandy is gone for the season, and it makes me extra sad.
• Football season is here, and it is very bittersweet.  I love football.  I spent the last 4 years watching football with Macy's Dad.  I'm sad that this season is different.  I am, however, glad that I no longer have to deal with a Steelers fan.  They're jackholes.  The last time Kansas City beat the Steelers, he threw a fit like a little kid, got drunk, and passed out on the couch at 6pm.  Jackhole.  Not this year.  Also, Uncle Keith bought Macy her first Chiefs shirt, which is awesome!
• I'm fat.  Sure, I just had a baby 3 months ago...but I was fat before I got pregnant.  I'm still fat now, even if part of it is baby weight.  It's discouraging.  And it's so much work to actually try to lose weight.
• I hate packing.  I hate moving.  I can't wait to be done with it and living in my townhouse.  I really can't wait for all the cabinet space, and for Macy to have her own room and her own crib that is not a Pack and Play.
• Right now, I am on leave--vacation, for you non-military types.  In the 5 days I have been on leave, I have received NINE phone calls and SEVEN texts messages from work. Whuck?
• I really REALLY want to get another tattoo right now, but I should probably wait until I'm not nursing anymore...and I can afford it.  I'm going to get Macy's footprints on top of my foot...and it is going to hurt like a mother, just like the other one I have on my foot.

...That is all.

Breastfeeding in Public

Everyone seems to have an opinion on this particular subject--usually at one end of the spectrum or the other.  Recently, I had the great pleasure of reading a very hilarious rant about this very thing.  The rant came to be after a friend witnessed a fellow church-goer breastfeeding her 2-year-old during the service, right in the church pew. This friend posted a Facebook status about the appropriateness of breastfeeding in church.  The thread very quickly became a debate about the legality of breastfeeding in public...and the fur started flying.  Of course, I have an opinion about this.

First of all, I would like to point out that most people realize that breastfeeding is the best thing for babies.  They haven't chosen not to breast feed because they are unaware of the benefits.  Whatever the reason they opted for formula, it was an important reason to them.  Pointing out that breast milk can lessen allergies and strengthen the immune system probably isn't going to change their mind--the same way that telling me how "gross" you think breastfeeding is, isn't going to convince me to stop.

As much as I support breastfeeding, I am no crusader for the cause.  Just because I do it, doesn't mean that I am running for president of La Leche League.  I am aware that it is legal to breastfeed my daughter anywhere that I am permitted to have her.  I have nursed my daughter in public.  I always choose to (attempt to) cover myself.  My daughter is currently 3 months old.  I can guarantee you I will not be breastfeeding her in public--covered or uncovered--when she is 2 years old.  I have many reasons for this--reason #1 being that I intend to wean her before that point.  Yes, I know the AAP and the WHO recommend breastfeeding until 2...they recommend it if it is mutually desirable, and I do not desire to breastfeed that long.

Breastfeeding is hard work.  Seriously.  Sore nipples are no joke--and my kid doesn't even have teeth yet.  Breastfeeding and working?  I should get an effing award for this.  Pumping sucks.  It doesn't allow my supply to respond to Macy's demand.  It's not as effective at maintaining my supply as nursing.  I never realized how much bonding I was going to do with my pump instead of my baby.  Sometimes I think she prefers a bottle to a breast, but I won't get started down that road or I risk having a crying spell over being such a terrible mother.  It's hard, people.

If, by some long-shot chance, my daughter is not weaned by the time she is 2, I will still not choose to nurse her in public.  By that age, there are other ways to meet her nutritional needs.  Solid foods are introduced by 6 months at the latest, and many babies are weaned around one year of age.  After that point, I really do feel that it becomes inappropriate to breastfeed in public.  If you want to keep doing it, do it at home.  Maybe it is a great bonding experience for you and your baby--there are other ways to bond though.  And there are most definitely other ways to feed your child.  I think too many people try to stand up to The Man by exercising their right to whip out their boobies in public--which I will never understand.  I have stretch marks... on my boobies.  And they will never be perky again.  I'm not interested in showing them to any looky-loo who happens to be in my vicinity just because it is legal for me to do so...despite my love of stickin' it to The Man.

I guess what I'm getting at is, just because you can do it, doesn't mean you should....legal does not equal appropriate.  Now someone help me down from this soap box!

I Need to Own 6 Purple Watches, Right?

I have a serious beef with Fossil right now.

I have somewhat particular tastes about certain things.  Example: watches.  I like wearing them.  I like a certain type of watch though.  Fossil used to make a line called Fossil Blue watches--stainless steel, wide band, multiple choices for the face color.  These watches were my fave.  I have owned several.  My most recent one died a few months back, and I went in search of a new one--a Fossil Blue with a purple face, of course.  I am a pretty big fan of internet shopping, so I checked Fossil's website.  I wasn't able to find the Blue watches, so I decided I would just go to my local Fossil store.  I'm not sure why I thought this was a good plan.

You see, I hate shopping.  I love buying things, I just hate shopping.  Rather, I hate sales people.  I don't enjoy feeling like prey as I'm trying to select which fragrance of over-priced shower gel I'm going to purchase at Bath & Body Works.  Yessss, I'm still doing fine...just like I was 3 minutes ago when you walked past me.  Oh, and those middle-eastern kiosk people peddling the weird-smelling lotion?  No, you may not ask me a question about my skin, or offer me a free sample or a hand massage...now STOP TOUCHING ME! 


I made the mistake of going to the Fossil store during off hours--great time to avoid other shoppers, baaaad time to avoid sales people.  I walked in knowing exactly what I wanted.  I was hoping to make my lap around the store and find the right display case before anyone cornered me and tried to talk me into buying something ugly and way out of my price range.  I literally made it 2 steps into the store before the vultures (yes, TWO of them!) swooped towards me.  I tried avoiding eye contact, and saying "I'm just looking."  No dice.

Vulture: "Well, what are you looking for?"
Me: (loud sigh) "I'm looking for a watch.  I like the Fossil Blue line."
Vulture: (in a tone that indicates he is obviously judging me for not keeping up with fashion) "We don't make those anymore."

Figures.  He then spends the next 10 minutes showing me ugly watches that I would never wear.  I told him I liked the heavier stainless steel band--he tried to sell me on one with a silicone band because it's so nice and light.  I guess you don't have to be a rocket scientist to work at Fossil.  Upon realizing I had no intention of buying any of the ugly watches, he gave "the nod" to the manager vulture, who came over and took her turn.  Listen, lady, if I tell you I don't like rhinestones or GIANT ceramic bands, that means I DON'T LIKE THEM.  I'm wearing yoga pants, a t-shirt that bears the name of a high school in Texas I didn't go to, and Tidewater skull-and-crossbone flip flops--telling me how "in" they are probably isn't going to change my mind.  I can barely spell fashion.

I eventually escaped her talons and headed for the door.  Back to the internets I went.  Eventually, I was able to find something that was OK...it still had effing rhinestones, but I decided I could deal since it was purple..ish.

I also found a dressier one that was pretty cute.

I wasn't in love with either one, but they were all I could find at the time.  Ever since my purchase, Fossil has been stalking me.  I have deleted most of their e-mails, but I happened to open one a few weeks ago.  When I clicked on the message, this popped up.

Are you effin' KIDDING me, Fossil?  You didn't have this 5 months ago?  Geez.  At this point, I am trying to remember which of my credit card balances is the furthest from its credit limit because I am SOOO buying this watch...then, I get to looking around a little more, and I run across this little gem.

Now, I'm just pissed.  This is EXACTLY (minus the rhinestones) what I was looking for...it's a Fossil Blue, only now, it's called a "Boyfriend" watch.  Seriously.  At this point, I'm torn.  I like them both...can't afford them both...can't really afford either one, actually.  So I reluctantly decide that I don't really need a new watch, and go on about my business.

Yesterday, I decided that I'm going to buy one of them.  I feel like getting a new watch.  Screw my credit score.  Of course, as I'm scrolling through the website, I find THIS.

...and this...

...Fossil is attempting to bankrupt me.  The worst part?  I'm seriously trying to find room in my budget to spend $500 on purple watches.  What the hell is wrong with me?

The Truth about Mommyhood.

I don't even know how I got here.  I have no idea when I became this person.  Allow me to elaborate.

• I was once a party animal.  I drank beer, cranked tunes, threw darts.  But now? My idea of an awesome Friday night? Putting my kid in bed at 8pm, and then drinking a single beer while I watch DVR'd television...or read Mommy blogs.
• I am in a perpetual state of looking for something.  A burp cloth.  My phone.  The soda I swear I just opened, but apparently already finished drinking (just happened).  Also, after 10 weeks of feeding my child multiple times a day, I cannot remember to bring all of the things I need for a feeding to the couch before I sit down...and there aren't that many things: Baby, Boppy, burp cloth, Mommy.  TV remote is a bonus, but it is usually already there.  
• EVERYTHING I OWN has puke on it...somewhere...everything...including the dog.
• Speaking of the dog...I love him, really, I do.  But he is always ALWAYS RIGHT.UNDER.MY.MURTHURFURKING.FEET.  When I step on him?  When I nearly break my neck after tripping over him?  He yelps and looks at me like a sad panda.  MOVE, DOG!!
• I take pictures and videos of my kid doing the same thing over and over.  Because everything she does is unbelievably cute--even after she has done it 50 times.  Smiling is a prime example.  She smiles all the time now.  I feel bad each and every time I am unable to immortalize her little toothless, grinning face on my SD card, because every time it is just.so.cute.  Also, she has conversations with the bears on her mobile.  I could stand and watch for hours because, again, SO.CUTE.
• I don't buy clothes for myself.  I will, however, spend $45 on a gown that Macy has worn once.  See below.

OMG SOOOO CUTE!!

I drive a Mom car.  I read Mommy blogs.  AAaaaaand I hope you weren't planning on having an intelligent conversation with me...unless it is about the Most Beautiful Baby EVER Born, or perhaps maybe childbirth, the cost of diapers, or possibly the Navy.  I can only speak on those limited subjects, because I am so consumed by The Blur.

...and de-puking all of my belongings.

Wednesday Hodgepodge--7/20/11

1. July 20th marks the anniversary of the first time man stood on the moon. Flash forward 42 years to July 8, 2011 which marked the start of the final Space Shuttle mission. Should we continue to explore space? Should nations devote more or fewer of their resources to exploring space? Would you want to go into space if the opportunity arose?
I personally don't feel that we should continue to explore space.  I just think that it is cost prohibitive, and the benefits to be gained don't make up for the cost of continuing the program.  I wouldn't want to go into space.  I get motion sickness far too easily.

2. What are three things in your freezer?
Breast milk, breast milk, and breast milk.  Or did you mean 3 different things?  In that case, breast milk, ice, and chicken wings.

3. If you could see any band/artist perform live tonite who would it be? It has to be someone living...no Beatles, Elvis, etc.
Journey!!  It won't be tonight, but I am going to go see them next month at the amphitheater--can't wait!!

4. Ice-cubed or crushed? Or are you one of those people who don't like ice?
I'm with Katie--I loooove some Sonic ice!  I used to eat ice all the time when I was younger, but I have cut back a little.  It's not particularly good for your teeth.

5. The owner of a small restaurant outside of Pittsburgh recently announced he was banning children under six, saying they regularly disrupted other customer's meals. You can read the story in more detail here but isn't this a perfect topic to discuss in our Wednesday Hodgepodge? Have at it friends...what are your thoughts?
I actually have quite a bit to say about this.  First of all, I have definitely noticed the change in people's attitudes now that I am a new mom, instead of a pregnant woman.  When I was pregnant, people would move out of my way, hold the door--I even had a guy offer to pump my gas one day.

Now that I am a new mom?  Pssshh.  Half the people want to gush over my Little Cupcake and tell me how beautiful she is...the other half look at me like "That kid better not start crying."  Very seldom does anyone hold the door for me, even when I am lugging around my 10-pound baby in her 20-pound car seat.  I even had a guy basically push me out of the way so he could get past me at Kroger this morning.  I have also noticed that people are very impatient when they are behind me in line because it takes me a little longer to get my stuff together than they would like.  

As a parent (and a human being), I realize there are places I shouldn't take my child.  Black tie restaurant?  Not a place for an infant.  By the looks of things, the restaurant in question is not black tie.  It's located on a golf course, so I suppose I would consider it somewhat "upscale."  I would consider it right on the line between kid-friendly and not.  

I think the bigger issue is not the policy that has been set forth by the restaurant, but the fact that people don't seem to have a sense of what is appropriate behavior for their child(ren) in public.  I take issue with that--particularly since I have my own child now.  I can't count the number of times I have looked at her and said "Macy, you will not be acting like that."  Parents are 100% responsible for the behavior of their kids.  I almost approached a woman at Target because of the way her kids were acting.  This lady had 3 children, who looked to be around the ages of maybe 10, 8 and 4--all old enough to understand the word "no."  This woman's youngest child was screeching at the top of his lungs.  He wasn't upset or throwing a fit, he was just periodically screeching, and then giggling about it.  I could hear him from across the store.  What did she do?  She just kept repeating "Now, honey, you need to be quiet."  You can imagine how effective this was.

So, to answer the question, I think the guy did what he had to do.  It sucks that some decent parents have to suffer because of the short-comings of others, but that's how it happens sometimes.

6. What was your first car? How did it come to be yours?
My first car was a 1998 Ford Escort ZX2.  It became mine after I got a job, and paid for it.  My parents helped out a little for the first year I had it, but I paid for most of it.

7. If I had a nickle for every time I cleaned up a bodily fluid, I'd be rich.


8. I'm really not ready to go back to work on Monday...maybe two and a half months was a little too much time off...