How Mommies and Daddies Are Different

This is not a Sex Ed lesson.

About nine months ago, when Macy was trying to kill me using sleep deprivation a newborn, my Mom told me something about Mommies and Daddies.  I was tired, frustrated, in tears, and saying things like "I don't know how I'm going to do this!"  Baby Daddy was on deployment.  My Mom and my Grandma were nearing the end of their time in Virginia helping me adjust to my new baby.  I was madder at Baby Daddy than I have probably ever been for leaving me on my own with a 3-week-old baby.  While I was feeling sorry for myself, my Mom told me, "Tara, having a Daddy around is not the same as having another Mommy.  Men aren't really that helpful."

Seriously.  She was right.

Bath Time: 
Mommy can run the bath water while simultaneously undressing the child AND preventing her from pulling all the toilet paper off the roll.  Then, Mommy can drain the bath tub, put away all the toys, and get the baby dressed without making a huge mess or requiring an extra set of hands.
Daddy? "Hey, are you going to run the water while I get her undressed?  I need you to run the water for me." "Do you want to put lotion on her?  You know I hate lotion."  Also, he can barely drain the tub, much less put the toys away or wring out the wet washcloth so it doesn't mold.  Sometimes he leaves the water in the tub.

Morning Routine:
Mommy gets the baby up and dressed in about five minutes...at 5:30am.
Daddy (at 5:30am, when literally the only thing he can do to help is get her dressed during the 10 minutes it takes me to throw on my uniform and brush my teeth) says, "Let me go to the bathroom first.  Then I'll get her."

Nevermind, Daddy. I'll do it myself.

Sunday Morning Blowout Clean-Up
Daddy asks, "What do you want me to put on her?  She pooped through her jammies."  I tell him to leave her in her diaper, because I am going to feed her breakfast.  He replies, "You mean you don't want me to put clothes on her?"
Really, Daddy?  It is Sunday, which means we are going to church.  She is nine months old, and has recently started INSISTS ON feeding herself.  Do I want her to smear bananas all over her dress?  Um, no.  Leave her in the damn diaper.

Texts About Diapers
Mommy: I'm off to Rite Aid to score cheap diapers.
Daddy: How cheap?
Mommy: 4 bags of Pampers for $24.  Pretty cheap.
Daddy: ...what is the normal price?

And another thing about Daddies?  Babies like them more.  They like everyone more than Mommy.  Mommy is the first person they get pissed at...and the first person they pinch, scratch and bite.

You're welcome, you evil little Cupcake.  It was really annoying that my boobs were all perky and non-stretch-mark-y before.  I'm glad you came along and took care of that for me...and that you apparently think Daddy does all the work.